When two people decide to come together in holy matrimony (or a defacto relationship), they bring totally different backgrounds. Cultural and view-point wise. Compromise is the name of the game.
Blood brothers or siblings who come from the same genetic make-up and are raised with the same environment and exposed to the same influences are still sufficiently different enough that outsiders would never guess they were related.
How much more 2 people coming from different homes? From different cultures?!
A few weekends ago, I was part of an entourage of people that went to an Introduction ceremony in the west of Auckland. My closest friend in New Zealand (who is Nigerian) Seun Kehinde had gathered a group of us to go and formally meet his girlfriend's parents in their home. His girlfrend's name is Christine. And she is Kiwi.
In Yoruba culture, the introduction ceremony is perhaps the first part of the wedding ceremony. This is when the parents of the groom take an entourage of their immediate extended family (which might number more than 20 people) and go and meet the bride's family with gifts and songs. It is another excuse to dress up and have a huge party. Absolutely fantastic!
Seun had decided to give Christine's parents a feel of what it would be like back home. He and Christine set a date, he got about 6 of us his closest friends and we packaged two gift baskets complete with ribbons and we set out for her parent's place. They had also invited a couple of their friends to help in receiving us.
We had an agenda of events which was complete with prayers, songs and speeches. I had been a bit nervous that perhaps Christine's parents would find it a bit overwhelming with all the singing but apparently they absolutely loved it!
How much more 2 people coming from different homes? From different cultures?!
A few weekends ago, I was part of an entourage of people that went to an Introduction ceremony in the west of Auckland. My closest friend in New Zealand (who is Nigerian) Seun Kehinde had gathered a group of us to go and formally meet his girlfriend's parents in their home. His girlfrend's name is Christine. And she is Kiwi.
In Yoruba culture, the introduction ceremony is perhaps the first part of the wedding ceremony. This is when the parents of the groom take an entourage of their immediate extended family (which might number more than 20 people) and go and meet the bride's family with gifts and songs. It is another excuse to dress up and have a huge party. Absolutely fantastic!
Seun had decided to give Christine's parents a feel of what it would be like back home. He and Christine set a date, he got about 6 of us his closest friends and we packaged two gift baskets complete with ribbons and we set out for her parent's place. They had also invited a couple of their friends to help in receiving us.
We had an agenda of events which was complete with prayers, songs and speeches. I had been a bit nervous that perhaps Christine's parents would find it a bit overwhelming with all the singing but apparently they absolutely loved it!
It was after the speeches and official ceremony when were enjoying a range of finger food, non-alcoholic wine and pleasant conversation that it hit me exactly how much of a committment it is to pledge yourself mind, body and soul to another individual. Christine and Sean were going to have to be even more understanding, tolerant and oh-so-frigging open minded practically the whole of their lives with each other!
I have seen countless examples of Nigerian men in Europe who woo and win over European brides and who have fairytale lives right up till the point when they go back home to visit the guy's family. The brides are astonished at the Jekyll and Hyde transformation in their men! They cannot fathom who the chauvinistic male pig is and cast around desperately for the man who won their hearts back home.
Which is why I thought it was an absolutely wonderful idea that Sean was willing to show a glimpse of the way things are done back home. I hope he does that in every aspect of his relationship with Christine. The above mentioned men above drop every aspect of their roots and culture and become more European (or kiwi; or American; or Canadian as the case may be) than the Europeans themselves.
I have caught myself doing this.
I am sometimes very anxious to prove my "internationalism" and broadmindedness that I play down certain aspects of my culture for fear that my audience might find it strange and different. Newsflash: it is ALWAYS going to be strange and different to someone who has never encountered it before. This does NOT make it bad, sub-standard or inferior.
Think of the distinguished German scientist who explains in accented English how he was able to break down the atom; or the sexy French waitress who asks in a sultry voice how you vould like ze milk in your covey(coffee); Kene my friend featured in a previous post told me how he would speak English in a heavily accented Igbo accent when he was being interviewed after winning the Nobel prize (he speaks flawless English)
Rather than sounding bad, hearing a foreign speaker speak your language can be so very exotic! And the exoticness(sic) extends so much beyond language!
So Sean and Christine, as you guys are taking these all important steps, may you find unique and wonderful things about yourselves and about your different cultures that will cement your union into a solid one!
I have seen countless examples of Nigerian men in Europe who woo and win over European brides and who have fairytale lives right up till the point when they go back home to visit the guy's family. The brides are astonished at the Jekyll and Hyde transformation in their men! They cannot fathom who the chauvinistic male pig is and cast around desperately for the man who won their hearts back home.
Which is why I thought it was an absolutely wonderful idea that Sean was willing to show a glimpse of the way things are done back home. I hope he does that in every aspect of his relationship with Christine. The above mentioned men above drop every aspect of their roots and culture and become more European (or kiwi; or American; or Canadian as the case may be) than the Europeans themselves.
I have caught myself doing this.
I am sometimes very anxious to prove my "internationalism" and broadmindedness that I play down certain aspects of my culture for fear that my audience might find it strange and different. Newsflash: it is ALWAYS going to be strange and different to someone who has never encountered it before. This does NOT make it bad, sub-standard or inferior.
Think of the distinguished German scientist who explains in accented English how he was able to break down the atom; or the sexy French waitress who asks in a sultry voice how you vould like ze milk in your covey(coffee); Kene my friend featured in a previous post told me how he would speak English in a heavily accented Igbo accent when he was being interviewed after winning the Nobel prize (he speaks flawless English)
Rather than sounding bad, hearing a foreign speaker speak your language can be so very exotic! And the exoticness(sic) extends so much beyond language!
So Sean and Christine, as you guys are taking these all important steps, may you find unique and wonderful things about yourselves and about your different cultures that will cement your union into a solid one!
