An African Day in New Zealand...

The history of Africa is a very one-sided story indeed.

It is told in terms of European involvement with Africa. I remember my history lessons in school back then when the earliest dates we had to commit to memory were the dates the Portuguese traders landed on the shores of Africa.

Whatever went on there BEFORE that?

Maria Farres (who is enthralled with Africa by the way) was reading this book while she was here. I forget its name now but the preface described the European powers of the day parcelling out the continent of Africa in London, Berlin and Paris. There was absolutely no concern for the peoples living there and lines were drawn cutting nations and lumping historical enemies together.

It is interesting to note that when the Organization for African Unity (precursor to the present African Union) was being formed in 1963 one of the first things the members incorporated into the charter was that all pre-independence borders would remain the same. They would not even be discussed! This I guess was wise thinking, to prevent the whole continent going up in flames over border disputes. One of the oldest excuses man has, to kill his fellow man!

The resources and natural endowments of Africa were exploited for the empire-building exercise of the European powers. Nigeria was created for instance in 1914 from an amalgation of two admin divisions of the British empire for 'easier' administration.

Of course after WWII, the British's position became untenable and the independence of India in 1947 gave rise to the same nationalist tendencies in Africa. Ghana under Kwame Nkrumah became the first African nation to gain its independence in 1957.

So on Saturday, March 17, the Ghanian community in New Zealand came together to celebrate 50 years of independence. That day turned out to be an African day for Maria, Sean and myself. The festivities were held in a community town hall and it was quite nice to see the national dresses and dances, and generally just to be among so many other Africans!

There was a Maori group who did the haka, and I can tell you it was a whole lot more impressive than when Ryan and Taco did it at IPM in the Netherlands!

Knowing your Sauvignons, Pinors and Chardonnays

I have a lot to be grateful to Emma Gavert for.

One of the many things she developed in me was an appreciation for food. You see, before I lived in Sweden and had all those countless dinners with Emma, Maria and Amit, I considered food as basically... fuel. I was hungry, I ate. It didnt matter what I was eating as long as it tasted good and more importantly... that it filled my (now) big tummy!

But Emma... preparing dinner with Emma was always an experience. From shopping for exactly the right brand of guacomole to making sure that we had the right wine for the meal. Amit and I used to call her a "Food Fascist". Anyway... I consider it an integral part of my education that I started caring exactly what went into my mouth as food, how it is prepared, where it prepared and striving for that perfect meal.

I took a huge step further down that education when Maria Farres who was here for 2 weeks took me along to a wine tasting tour.

The day consisted of visits to 5 wineries and a huge huge lunch. We tasted whites, reds and dessert wines in fruity, spicy and oaken flavours. To be honest, after the second winery they all started to taste the same to me. So I guess I still have some way to go in my education.

But it was interesting to learn that Australia and the US acount for a huge chunk of wine production in the world. There are actually wineries in the US that make more wine in a week than the whole of New Zealand makes!

Champagne can either be artificial bubbles or traditionale methode made. And actually... "Champagne" can only be used to refer to wines that are made in the Champagne region of France. If a wine-maker in Australia called one of his wines "Champagne", he would get his ass sued off! Although there are countless variants of the magic bubbly around the world!

I will be taking more of these tours in future and I WILL take a notebook along. Apparently it impresses the ladies no end if you are able to ask for a particular Pinot Noir from a particular year to go with that fish!

On Nakedness and Nudity

In August last year, a New Zealand porn film producer organized a Boobs-on-Bikes parade. It is an annual event where dozens of beautiful girls ride on the backs of Motor Bikes dressed in skin tight leather pants and well... nothing else.



At the time, it caused a lot of brouhaha as the said producer applied for some council support with crowd control whereupon he was told he would need a permit for the parade. He defied the council and went ahead anyway with the parade, which was well attended! You can read the full story here.

And No I was not there as I was working very hard in the office at the time.

Anyway, I asked 2 posts ago if anyone had any ideas on the difference between Nakedness and Nudity.

Most dictionaries define them as one and the same but there is a fundamental difference.

Nakedness comes with an awareness of nudity and an attendant inhibition and embarassment.
Nudity is free of this awareness.

So if one of my flatmates was without clothes in her room, she would be described as being "in the nude". But if I charge into the room without knocking and see her in all her glory... she instantly becomes naked!!!

Nudist beaches contain a lot of people in the nude as everyone else there being without clothes and acting normally, removes that inhibition that causes nakedness. But if some dirty old man starts staring rudely at the nicely proportioned shape of some hapless damsel, and she notices him staring he instantly renders her naked.

Pretty interesting isnt it?

And just to make writing this post more enjoyable, I wrote it in the nude!!!

Typical Nigerian Humour...

I just got an email joke from a friend and I just had to share it but a bit of background first.

Nigeria's 150 million population is made up of about 19 distinct ethnic groups. There are three dominant ones (in terms of population and sphere of influence). The Yoruba, Igbo and Hausa.

The Yoruba are in and around the Lagos Estuary and savannah of the South West, the Igbo on the beaches and hills of the South-East and the Hausa are in the sahel and desert regions of the north.
This is of course very simplified.
If you are interested in a detailed lesson click here.

The following joke follows the classic template you have all around the world... like the Kiwis tell of the Aussies; Americans tell of the Canadians; Italians tell of the French; Swedes tell of Norwegians; Danes tell of Swedes and everybody tells about Belgians.

And oh yeah... I am Yoruba!


Abeg make una read this story follow me laugh... (Pidgin English for, “Please read this story and laugh with me”)

------------

Three Nigerians, one Hausa, one Igbo and one Yoruba sat somewhere in Saudi Arabia , sharing a smuggled barrel of beer and feeling rather safe. But, all of a sudden, the police stormed their hideout and arrested them. After the sort of trial expected in a theocracy, they were handed the death sentence. But, since it was a national holiday, the Sheikh decided to commute the capital sentence. He ordered that they should be released after each had received 20 lashes of horsewhip on his bare backside.

As the convicts prepared for their punishment, the Sheikh made an announcement: 'It is my dear first wife's birthday today and she asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping. You can wish anything, except wishing not to be walloped!'

The Hausa man thought for a second and then mouthed his wish: Please tie a pillow to my back before whipping me. His wish was carried out. But the pillow lasted for ten lashes, which meant that the second half of the thrashing impacted on his torso, sending him shivering in anguish.

The Igbo man smiled. If a pillow lasted ten lashes, why, he could get away without any skin pain. Please tie two pillows to my back before flogging me. This was done and the happy fellow with the Igbo man sense only heard the 20 lashes delivered but felt no pain at all.

The Yoruba man took in everything that had transpired. Because he was grinning from ear to ear, the Sheikh and his lieutenants thought he was going to ask for, perhaps, the impenetrable shield of 30 pillows. But before he could make his wish, the Sheikh remembered. He remembered that the man shared the same ethnicity with the Nigerian President. Hold your wish a second, the Sheik said. Since you share the same ethnicity with Baba, the greatest president to come, not just out of Nigeria but also out of Africa and the entire Black world, you are permitted to have two wishes!

Upon hearing this the Yoruba man lifted both his hands in celebration, just like a professional pugilist that had finally floored a most stubborn opponent. When his hands finally came down he spoke. Before I make my wishes, I must first thank very seriously your most royal and merciful highness, said the Yoruba man. May Allah bless you ten times every day and a million times on each Friday.

Now, to come to what we are talking about, which are my wishes. The first one is this: I wish to receive 100 lashes with the strongest, toughest whips available.If you so desire, the Sheikh replied with a puzzled look on his face. And your second wish?"Tie the Igbo man to my back."

Since I was born....

There is this song we used to sing in AIESEC Nigeria back in the days. We sang it to the tune of a Christian melody./..

"Since I was Born...
And Now I am old...
I have never seen a woman Naked...!"
"Ladi have you seen?

(And then I answer) NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NON O NON ON
I have never seen a woman naked!

Well I just saw a woman in the nude!

It is 03:27am and I am taking a break on my graveyard shift in The Quadrant. 30 mins ago however, I was delivering room service to a room and a woman who was completely in the nude (and piss drunk) opened the door. She was completely unaware of her nudity and she didnt notice I was in total shock for a few seconds!!!

I stammered something incoherent and passed across the tray I was holding. She took it, placed it on the table behind her, signed the check and closed the door.

I made it to the elevator before I collapsed in a heap laughing like crazy!!!
I just had to share this immediately which is why I rushed to the computer in the staff room. CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY!!!

On another note...
Notice I refer to the woman as "...being in the nude". She was NOT naked. Can anyone tell the difference?

Mixed Up Body Clock

The time is 07h31 AM and I have been awake for the last two and a half hours.

I havent worked at my Concierge job for the last week but my body apparently doesnt know this.

Still trying to adjust to staying up all night and then getting 5 hours of deep deep sleep, suddenly trying to sleep through the whole night is confusing my poor body. And if that confuses you too, small wonder?

I work tonight anyway and then Maria Farres arrives tomorrow morning. Yipee!