Presenting the New Couple in all their Glory...

Okay Okay Okay... I hope this is not a case of over-kill here.

But I DID travel 30,000 miles for the principal reason of attending this wedding and it was such a wonderful and successful one... can any of you really blame me. Besides this is an opportunity for me to share a bit of my culture with you all.

Presenting the lovely couple... Mr & Mrs Segun and Dupe AJAYI....

With this Ring I Thee Wed... Part II

Where were we now?

Ah yes... the bride's family was receiving the official letter of intent from the groom's family. I have understandably simplified the whole process here. There are countless songs, ceremony and specific forms that go back and forth between the families.

These can be called the preliminaries and depending on how long-winded the family representatives are... can last anywhere between an hour and a half and 3 hours!

Anyway... once intent has been signalled and received, it's time to get the potential suitor himself. All through the prelim activities, the groom is stationed outside and is not allowed in until this point. SO when the bride's family rep calls out, "So where is the young man seeking our daughter's hand in marriage?" (or something to that effect) the drummers, praise singers and young women of his family go and collect him.

Now it is not just a matter of leading him in by the nose, the whole event is taking place in a hall that has a long entrance hall. The bride's family has "sentries" and "toll-collectors" lined all along the route of the entrance hall. And the groom is expected to pay his 'dues' to all the vampires along the route here. This is sometimes in the form of gifts but more usually cash!

Which is why the groom usually assembles a posse behind him for this crucial aspect of the ceremony......now while every "groom's posse" that I have witnessed at wedding ceremonies has tried to intimidate the "toll-collectors and try to get away without paying too much, none of them has been very successful! My brother's wasnt either. We paid through the nose I can tell you!

And it wasnt restricted to the entrance hallway either. When we got to the front where the action was taking place. We found the bride's family representative feigning sleep. And we were informed that only a huge gift would be able to wake her up. Seeing as she was the only one able to introduce the groom to the bride's family, we had to again dispense with cash gifts! The rep tries to draw this out as long as possible in order to get the groom and his posse to drop as much as possible.
When it seemed we had dropped enough to buy a brand new car and she still wasnt 'waking up' one of my brother's friends whispered in my ear that perhaps if one of us delivered a well-placed smack to her face, that would do the trick!!!

Eventually she did 'wake up' and she made the very flowery introductions of the young man who had come seeking the hand of the beautiful damsel. And then we (my brother and his 'posse') were required to greet the elders of the bride's family in the traditional manner. In Yoruba culture, young men greet a much older person by prostrating on the floor... that is...lying on the floor and touching your head to the ground. Age is venerated in Yoruba culture and old age usually equates wisdom. Or at least is supposed to. Women kneel down on both knees.

So we were required to do this three times. Dont ask me why. I just know we had to do it three times...

Here we are preparing to go to ground!

And here we are giving homage to the elders of the bride's family in true Yoruba fashion!

Eventually my brother is left all alone on the floor as he is the principal 'plaintiff'! He is asked a series of trick questions which are all designed to ensure that he is made of the right stuff and will treat his bride with love, honor and respect! As you can see from the pic below, my brother doesnt mind all the questions in the least or even his proximity to the floor. He's going home with a beautiful bride at the end of it afterall!

Eventually the bride's family elders pronounce themselves satisfied and the groom is asked to pose with both sets of parents.

And now it's half-time in the proceedings!

No... No... a break is not given although drinks, refreshments and food will have been flowing all through the assembled guests, family members and friends.

The most important person in all these proceedings is now introduced into the fray. Once the groom has safely gotten approval and gotten all the trick questions correct. The bride's family representative calls out for the young lady in question. And who all the fuss is made about!

The bride is now ushered in as well with the expected fanfare. Drumming, dancing and singing. But with one added twist... she comes in veiled.

Now I am told that if things were being done strictly according to the book (which it wasnt in this case), the bride would come out with a group of other girls all similarly veiled and the prospective groom would have to pick out his sweetheart from among the veiled maidens!

Luckily for my brother, he was spared this particular test. And besides I am reliably informed that most brides dont want to share this moment with a whole bunch of wide-eyed maidens and risk her heart-throb pick the wrong woman!!!

SO my new sister-in-law danced in surrounded by her friends all singing and proclaiming her virtues and beauty for the whole world to hear. The veil shrouding her in mystery...

At this point, emotions run over and there are plenty of tears to go around. Especially as realization sets in that their daughter is actually going to start a brand new life with her husband.

The Groom's parents have the honor of unveiling the bride (or is it the groom?) and there are countless songs and dances that are performed at this stage!

Eventually, the bride's family rep performs the tying together ceremony which is kind of similar to what the priests in church do.

By this time, the guests are getting restless and invariably well-fed and just want to get on to the most interesting part of the whole day. At least according to some of them. The dancing part. After the forms have been met and the ceremony is done, there now comes much dancing and dancing and even more dancing and then some more dancing...

This dancing is the perfect culmination to the day as both sides having sat apart the whole day now come together and if the couple have chosen their colors properly, the whole venue is a wash of color and elegant outfits! Not to mention scintillating dance moves!

With this Ring I Thee Wed... Part I

Of course if you have lived in or being influenced by Western Culture, the title of this post should be very familiar to you.

It is the culmination of a process wherein

- boy meets girl,

- girl likes boy,

- boy runs scared that girl might actually like him enough to want to spend the rest of her life with him,

- girl convinces him this is not such a bad thing and

- boy suddenly finds he cannot live without girl,

- he puts a diamond ring on her finger to let other boys know she is no longer available and

- if parents, friends or a drop-dead gorgeous man-killer of a woman do not interfere,

- he eventually puts a wedding band on her finger in front of man, God and the church uttering the words above at some point...

Of course a lot of couples are dispensing with the last three steps above and just jumping straight to the next step of having children together and sharing everything from their bank accounts to the gym membership at the local spa.

But I digress...

Being from the Yoruba ethnic group of South western Nigeria and having being baptized as a Christian AND being influenced a whole lot by Western culture (all those American movies), deciding to spend the rest of your life with someone is a little bit more complicated than the process enumerated above!

At some point when you start meeting and dating members of the opposite sex, your parents start hinting that although a marriage is majorly about the two individuals, its also a lot about bringing two families together! Now since Nigeria is made up of at least 19 distinct different ethnic groups, with different languages, culture and history, you begin to read between the lines and get an idea of what your parents are alluding to!

Of course the younger generation (my generation) are a bit more cosmopolitan and global-minded and it doesnt raise eyebrows as much these days if as a Yoruba girl you marry an Ibo boy! Not too many eyebrows... well... a bit silly... but there you go!

Anyway... my big brother obviously took all those hints from my dad to heart and his bride is a nice Yoruba girl, who is also a Lawyer to boot! And since they are both Yoruba, we would be having an explosion of Yoruba culture and an excuse to party until we dropped!

First off... the wedding ideally takes place over 2-3 days. Like I said, since we are Christian, there was a fusion of the Western and the traditional. There are Yorubas who are muslim but no matter what religion, you are obliged to have the Engagement/Traditional ceremony.

The traditonal ceremony is a formal all day event that involves members of the groom's family coming with a huge delegation to ask for the hand of the girl in marriage. The bride's family of course is the 'host' and ideally should be seated when the groom's family arrives.

And when the groom's family arrives, it is no mere matter of strolling into the place. They are met by singers, drummers and praise singers. When we say that this is a day of joy and merriment, we mean it is a day of partying!
Now each family has a representative that handles all the 'negotiations' and ensures that all the forms are kept. The roles are usually taken by women and one could call them the custodians of tradition who ensure that everything is done according to laid down customs.

The picture on the left shows my parents at the far left (in green). The lady in the middle dressed in brown is the "Alaga-iduro" or groom's family rep.

Another interesting part of the whole thing are the outfits worn by each family. There is a color scheme, which in this case was Gold for the groom's family and Blue for the bride's family. Friends, family and associates of each family dress in head-ties and outfits that reflect the color.

There are smiles aplenty... afterall its not everyday you go to ask for the hand of a lovely damsel for your first son and heir!

And the charge is led by the parents of the groom who have place of honor at the head of the procession that will include friends, family members and loved ones.

There is an official letter written by the groom's family that is read by a young lady from the bride's family. The letter is on expensive paper and should be poetic as it is clear and direct. The damsel who reads the letter is usually the younger sister/cousin of the bride and she should read the letter in a clear, melodious and articulate tone.

The letter is wrapped in fancy paper and ribbons. Here you see my parents presenting it to the reps! (or "Alaga")

TO BE CONTINUED...

An acute case of Jet Lag...

And boy was it bad or what?

Wikipedia tells me that travelling west to east is supposedly worse and that you need one day of good rest for every time zone crossed.

Well I crossed 10 timezones (and lost a day to boot!) so I will be recovering for the next fortnight or so...

Why does New Zealand have to be so far...?

_____________________________________________________

And on an unrelated issue...

HOW YOUR MOUSE ARROW WORKS


This is true….
Very informative. Don't be put off by the Japanese writing, just wait for the picture to load.

Have you ever wondered how the small arrow on your PC monitor works when you move the mouse?
Through the aid of a magnifying lens the mechanism becomes easily understood. Click on the link below and when the image appears, slowly move your mouse over the light grey circle to see how mouse/cursor technology works.

http://www.1-click.jp/

According to Plan...

I will let the pictures do most of the talking here...


Traveling from New Zealand to Nigeria for 5 weeks to attend my brother's wedding; see Temitope; reunite with members of my family after an absence of two years was ALWAYS going to be a major project. Especially if you factor in my financial situation, health and peculiar circumstances.


Like any other project, it involved planning, forecasting, implementation, and review. Meticulous planning, robust and enthusiastic implementation and finally a nostalgic review has seen the project get a pronouncement of:



RESOUNDING SUCCESS!



An absolute fantastic, colorful, fun-filled and successful wedding ceremony




Being at my big brother's right hand (literally and figuratively) before, during and after the ceremony

Looking really 'fly' and debonair doing it too...

Possibly resolving one of the single most important decisions I might have to take as an individual. EVER! (more on this later...)

Spending time with Family... immediate and extended

...And with friends



...I absolutely loved the hanging out with friends part!

But here I am back in my room in my cosy little apartment in Auckland. Thousands and thousands of miles traveled halfway across the world, (and then back) loved ones seen again, good food, nostalgia, decisions made and confirmed... and I am very thankful!

Watch out for the narrative(s) and loads and loads more pictures from the trip...

Still here...

This is a very very quick post!

It is 4am and I am browsing on my brother's laptop in his ultra-cool apartment which is on the outskirts of the bustling metropolis (mega-polis?) that is Lagos.

I have had the most wonderful time in the last three and a half weeks and I will do a proper round-up in due course. I just wanted to share the picture above of my siblings and I during my brother's wedding.

More importantly, I have spent almost all my waking moments with my jewel of inestimable value, Tope. My long suffering, sweetheart has endured a lot since I started my sojourn abroad and I will be the first to admit that the last two and half years has not been the easiest. Which is why I am savouring every single one with her now. She has agreed in principle to move to New Zealand. But since as Nigerians, its not a cut and dried case we now have to start the logistics. Ah Well!

Loads and loads more pictures to come of course!!!

So Finally I get to "do" Dubai properly

If there was any doubt that I work for a first-rate company, it was dispelled by some excellent news I got last week.

I will be visiting the Fonterra Sales Office in Dubai in order to meet the Sales team which sells product to customers all across the Middle East and Africa. Account Managers and Executives.

It's a great opportunity to see things in 'the field' for myself and it will be a pleasure to finally meet all the people I have been talking to over the phone and email for the last ten months.

To be honest, it wasnt really on the cards, but my flight home to Nigeria is booked on Emirates and I will be stopping over in Dubai twice. So I suggested to my boss that why dont I use the opportunity to visit the office? i wouldnt have been surprised if she had said, 'Nice try Ladi' but she didnt. She thought it was a great idea, spoke to the Dubai office who also thought it was a great idea!

No, they will not be paying for my flight back home to Nigeria but I am booked to stay in the classy Le Royal Meridien Hotel with meals and transport thrown in! Yes it would have been nice if my ticket could have been fully covered but lets not get ahead of ourselves!

The picture above of the 'Seven Star Hotel' I got off the internet. In 6 weeks, I will post a picture of the hotel taken from MY camera!

I LEAVE FOR LAGOS TOMORROW!!!!!

(and I still havent packed! Heck! I havent finished my shopping!)

Its being a soul enhancing experience... but I am glad it is over!

For the last 4 months, I have worked two jobs.

From 1300, I am a Customer Service Executive moving and ensuring that tons and tons of dairy produce reaches my designated list of customers with as little fuss as possible. I am in the center of an elaborate yet startling simple process that takes the milk from the Cow and delivers it to the customers all around the world!

I do this from 1300 to 2200.

And for 4 nights a week, I stroll some 60 meters to The Quadrant Hotel where I am a concierge. The first point of contact for guests arriving to the hotel. A warm smile, a helping hand with the luggage and ensuring the first impression of the hotel is one of warmth and professionalism. I am also on hand for their every request and try my best to ensure it is granted. This I do from 2230 till 0630 the next morning.

It's been fun while it lasted... no thats not true... it hasnt been fun. It has been extremely hard! I have hated the fact that I stay up those nights and I'm invariably tired after sleeping only 5 hours a day 4 days in a row! I hate the fact that in the last 4 months I have not been giving the 110% that I want to give to Fonterra. But it WAS necessary. Paying off my hospital bill AND being able to afford my trip to Nigeria for my brother's wedding wasnt going to happen with me sitting on my ass.

Has it been worth it?

You bet it has! I went shopping this morning Monday before I resumed at work and I have a slight indication of how this activity could actually be a panacea for certain individuals who do it so compulsively. There is an euphoria of acquiring new stuff and it is made doubly so for me that I am able to acquire these things from MY hard-earned money. ("hard-earned" takes on a whole new meaning for me) I have been able to afford my not-so-inexpensive ticket (return) to Lagos, I have been able to get small token gifts for my friends and loved ones and I have some spending money to take with me to Lagos.

There was a time I thought I wouldnt make it but now I have. I did this for four short months. There are people who do this kind of stuff with no end in sight. And they do it for 'nobler' reasons than mine. Single mothers all over the world. Low income families... 'Nuff respect to them!

I am standing behind the desk now in the hotel lobby now, writing this post. It is my absolute last night here. At least as a member of staff. There is funky music playing on the lobby speakers, the street outside is deserted as it is 02:40am. The phone hasnt rang in the last hour and I am thinking, "Would I do this all over again?"

An academic exercise perhaps... but I HAVE done it. It adds a richness and scope to my personal book of life.

But I am glad it is over.

Lagos here I come in 6 days!

Savouring the Moment...

Talk about ending the season on a high!

To neutrals it might have been a forgettable game but thank you very much... by winning the sixth trophy for Chelsea, Jose Mourinho has made a clean sweep of all domestic trophies on offer in England! And history can be very kind to winners I can tell you.

After the heartbreak of the Champions League semi-final to Liverlesspool ( I will NEVER forgive them!) and lending out the Premiership title to Manchester United, the sweetness and euphoria of winning the oldest football cup competition in the world was the perfect panacea to the events of the last month.


And apart from the cagey cautious game played by both teams, one other sight that warmed my heart was the impressive showing of the talented young Nigerian in the Chelsea midlfield. John Mikel Obi. The young giant saw so much of the ball and completely outclassed Carrick in the battle of the midfield. This portends well for my other football love, the under-achieving Super Eagles of Nigeria. I can only hope that our German coach Berti Vogts was watching the game.

And Mikel was the one that supplied the pass to Drogba who played a one-two with Frank Lampard (who played it back on the first touch to Drogba; a lesser striker would have let the goalkeeper get to the ball first. A poke at the ball, and the ball was in the net! Very fitting that Drogba be the one to score the winning goal to take the FA cup. His 33rd goal of the season too!

I just bought two Football jerseys from a colleague in the office (who happens to be a Liverlesspool fan...yes its true) and one of them is a medium sized Long sleeved shirt with "Drogba" and Number 11 printed on the back. Needless to say I will be wearing the jersey for every subsequent Chelsea game! The other one is a short sleeved medium sized one with "Lampard" on the back and is going to one of my best friends as a gift.

But now the football season is over (at least for the moment) in England. I can prepare to watch Milan show a thing or two to Liverlesspool in a couple of days in the final of the Champions League. And the title race is yet to be decided in La Liga in Spain and is indeed still winnable by four different teams. And this is just with three games to go!

I had the most interesting weekend this last weekend. Visited a Maori home, went shopping, celebrated my flatmate's birthday, attended a tenth year wedding anniversary and met the most beautiful woman called Penny! And then I did even more shopping! Guess where I will be next weekend?

To Change The World...

I was surprised to learn that a couple of people who I had always thought were open-minded and liberal minded individuals held intensely deep prejudices and dare I say it... outright bigoted views!

And how did I come to know this? For one of them, it was an innocuous statement that left me slack-jawed and staring in disbelief. I managed to recover in time and this person didnt realize how much they had shocked me. I initiated another conversation a few days later and sadly managed to confirm my worst fears. To this person, a certain group of people were automatically tagged with a certain label and other groups with other labels.

Twas very similar for the other person as well. A seemingly innocent statement was made and there was an obvious preconception and a snap judgement was made. For the second person, I was able to confront them a bit more directly and say, "What the hell do you think you mean by that?" I was unable to make them understand why I felt so strongly about preconceived notions that categorized people. Categorized them in the worst possible way.

The worst part of the whole situation is that these individuals did not see ANYTHING wrong or unfair in their views. I realized quite quickly that it would be banging my head against a brick wall to attempt to change their minds or attitudes. Which brings me to the story of the man who wanted to change the world. He tried so hard all his life and on his death bed he realized that he should have started with changing himself.

This disturbing experience has made me realize that one has to continually question oneself and strive to improve everyday. And hope that by doing this, you set an example to others around you and MAYBE get them to reflect some of the values you hold very dear to you heart.

I apologize for the lack of details, the post was deliberately written that way for obvious reasons.

I leave for Nigeria in 8 days by the way and get there in 9! I absolutely cannot wait! Final round of shopping this weekend. I hope! And next week Saturday, Las Gidi (Lagos) Here I Come!

Well What Do You Know...Auckland IS a Big City!

Well... at least it seems to have the attributes of one if not quite the population! (1 million is a decent number though)

So I had been bandying around the suggestion with my flatmates that while I was away for 5 weeks in Nigeria, I would rent out my room. The fact that I would still have to pay the rent even though I wasnt living there wasnt making my wallet or bank account very happy.

But I was very sceptical about actually finding someone who would want to stay for only 5 weeks. What sort of circumstances would prompt someone to rent a place for only 5 weeks. I mean... this isnt London or Stockholm where there is a 3 year waiting list to rent an apartment right?

Anyway... yesterday on my night shift at the Quadrant Hotel. I decided to post an advert for fun on TradeMe. This is just the kiwi equivalent of E-bay. I posted the ad at about 10:30pm and lo and behold by the time I checked again at 5am in the morning, there were 5 messages waiting for me asking if it was still available!!!

Holy Crap! I just might be on to something here, I thought to myself. By the time I was preparing to go to work in Fonterra at 1pm on Wednesday afternoon, I had in excess of 25 messages in my email box and 12 text messages. My phone didnt stop ringing or beeping with the sound of arriving text messages ALL day!

So even in Auckland, there are such circumstances that will make people want to rent a room for just 5 weeks! Amazing!

Some samples of the messages I got: (I hope this is not illegal?)

"...hi! I just saw your ad and it sounds perfect for me. I'm staying in Auckland and working at Brotown til roughly the end of June (I'm flexible). 5 weeks is about exactly how long I'll be here.. if you're still looking for someone give me a txt..."

"...hello, I'm a 23 years old french student and I will come to auckland from the 27of may to the 20 august....I like met straign people, travel,sport and fiesta. If it's good for you or if you have some question you can answer me..."

"...Hi - I am interested in this, I am a female working professional and I am looking for temporary accomodation over this period, in Auckland close to where I work in Symmonds Street - .....I am friendly, tidy and work long hours..."

Amazing aint it? I hope it works out. Since I have left it so late... Its going to be a bitch to make sure I find someone suitable that my flatmates are comfortable with. Mialy and Cris are such darlings to agree to this. They could have very easily said no. Thanks guys!

What could be better than "Friends"?

And obviously I am not referring to the 'friends' that make you realize exactly how lucky you are!

No. I am refering to that eccentric group of six individuals who for 10 years made us laugh and model our apartment sharing behaviour on them.

What could be better than the Friends TV Show?

A compilation of their numerous mistakes while filming the TV series of course. I havent laughed this hard in a long time! Above is a brief one. You can get all the rest on Youtube. Just search for "Friends Bloopers"

Tell Everbody I am on my way... Home!

Yes yes yes! I am on my way home to my country of birth and nationality. After 2 years.

I was underestimating how long 2 years is, to be away from the ones you love and cherish. And while there can be no doubt that I have had the most amazing of experiences in this 2 year period, it really (as in REALLY) feels good to be going to Lagos again!

To be honest, I dont so much miss the hustle and bustle... ok... I take that back... not the hustle and bustle... the MADNESS that is Lagos! After living in Stockholm and now Auckland I would be a stress junkie (or clinically insane) to miss the chaos and never-ending-madness that is the city of Lagos. But I am however looking forward with intense excitement to the experience of living there again for a whole month! Does that make sense? I dont miss it but I am looking forward to it?

And I am going for a wedding. And not just any wedding but for my big brother's wedding. Now, weddings are a BIG deal in Nigeria especially the part of it that I come from. My morning suit is ready and waiting for me, ticket is booked and exactly 12 days from now, I will board an Auckland-Dubai-Lagos plane. And to prove to you that I really do live at the (nice) end of the world, I wont get there for another day! It's going to be a 27 hour flight. Bugger!

One thing I have found is that the more money you have, the more you enjoy shopping! Here I always thought I didnt enjoy shopping. But who would if all you did was simply look at the stuff and force yourself to walk out of the store before you spend next month's rent!!! Oh yes... as my disposable income increases, I could certainly enjoy this shopping phenomenom of a thing!

As a big Disney song lover, I would like to share the Phil Collins song from "Brother Bear" title of which is also the title of this post...

Tell everybody i'm on my way
New friends and new places to see
With blue skies ahead, yes i'm on my way
And theres no where else i'd rather be

Tell everybody i'm on my way
And i'm loving every step i take
With the sun beating down, yes i'm on my way
And i can't keep this smile off my face

Cause theres nothing like, seeing each other again
No matter what the distance between
And the stories we tell, will make you smile
Or really lifts my heart

So tell'em i'm on my way
New friends and new places to see
And to sleep under the stars and could ask for more
With the moon keeping watch over me

Not the snow nor the rain, can change my mind
The sun will come out, wait and see
And the feeling of the wind
In your face can lift your heart

Oh... theres no where i'd rather be
Cause i'm on my way now Well and true
I'm my way thereI'm on my way now(x3)

Tell everybody i'm on my way
I just can't wait to be there
With blue skies ahead, yes I'm on my way
And nothing but good times to share

So tell everybody I'm on my way
And I just can't wait to be home
With the sun beating down yes I'm on my way
And nothing but good times to show

I'm on my way
Yes, I'm on my way

Guilty until proven innocent

I have lived in Sweden, Switzerland and the UK. My current country of residence is New Zealand. I have visited, traveled through and transited through about 30 different countries in Africa, Europe and Asia. And for the first time ever, I have been refused a visa!

I think it was Tom Gara who commented on one of the posts on the nomadlife home page that Nigerians must have it the worst when it comes to passport and visa issues. Boy, dont I know it! Although having never been refused a visa up till now, I have had to endure lengthy question and answer sessions at immigration checkpoints around the world. Even with a valid visa.

One that jumps straight to mind was on my way back to Sweden from India in the summer of 2005. I was traveling with three Swedes and we were flying on Austrian Air. My three traveling companions breezed through immigration in Vienna, going through the "EU citizens" gate. I went to "other" gate, got stamped through but then was stopped by another official. He flipped through my passport at least 50 times over and over again without saying a word. I asked him if there was a problem and he said 'No'. And then he flipped through another fifty times. He must have been trying to figure out how a Nigerian passport held a Swedish work and residence permit! He eventually handed me my passport and asked me to have a nice day. Although the expression on his face wished me anything but!

But which embassy has seen fit to deny me a request for a visa? Ladies and Gentlemen, please give it up to the country that has broken this nomad's record... AUSTRALIA!!! Ozzie Ozzie Ozzie!!! And it wasnt even an entry visa... I was denied a TRANSIT VISA!

According to the refusal letter... "My bonafides didnt match up". Whatever the hell that means. I guessed it meant that I couldnt prove that I had gainful employment in NZ to return to and might decide to slip into Australia and claim assylum. The interesting thing is that the letter acknowledged that, "... you have been granted a single entry transit visa by our London office... and you have numerous European visas...". It probably looked like I had been keeping one step ahead of the law in all those countries and was planning to get lost finally in Melbourne or Sydney after my first attempt to do so was unsuccessful.

I eventually had to re-send the application with a copy of my contract with Fonterra and lo and behold... my manager actually got a call from them asking if I really worked there and how long I had been working/would be working! It seems they assume the worst and you then need to disprove the assumptions.

I am still expecting my passport back now. I guess there is still a chance they might think I gave a set of fake numbers and hired people to answer the phone. All in a bid to fight my way across the immigration checkpoint in Melbourne, having wasted money buying a round-trip ticket to Nigeria from Auckland!

Caro from Switzerland is on a round-the-world trip right now. New York, Indonesia and Colombia have welcomed her so far. I daydreamed for a fraction of a second of doing the same some day but quickly abandoned that train of thought when I reminded myself of the potential visa stress! I mean, to go to Thailand from Auckland, I have to travel to the Thai embassy in London IN PERSON to apply for the visa! I could go on and on...

Dont I just love being a Nigerian?

Take a United Bow!

Edwin Van De Sar keeping out the possibility of an extension to Chelsea's grip on the title challenge

And what Deserving Champions They Are Too!

It would have taken a really special performance by a really special team managed by a really special manager to wrest the title from Chelsea FC.
Manchester United, the most successful English club in the last two decades has proved what it takes to be champions this season. Week in, week out…
They have proved it with classy attacking style of play, a never-say-die attitude and more than a hint of class.

The deserving team has ALWAYS been crowned Premiership Champions. And although there is very little between Manure and Chelsea, at the end of the day the Red Devils have more points than we do. Fergie's team has upped it's play and performance (the only team to do so) and not only match Chelsea but do enough to pip the title from us. Well done!

Chelsea FC have no cause to be ashamed of our performance and can take pride in the fact that we pushed the Red Devils as hard as we did. Despite Everything.
Ryan Giggs, Edwin Van der Sa, Wayne Rooney, Cristiano Ronaldo, Gary Neville and the rest of the team, Well Done and Congratulations.
Sir Alex Ferguson. Form is temporary, style and class are eternal. Guess which ones you have?

Now we can wait for the humiliation of Liverlesspool on the biggest stage of all! A stage Liverlesspool has absolutely no business being on! hyuk hyuk!!

PS
I sincerely hope Manure does not expect us to roll over and play dead on Wednesday?! And there is still the FA Cup to play for on the 19th!

My Brother... My Friend

I have a lot of brothers. From all around the world. Individuals who only need to call (on Skype, MSN or the more conventional phone) and I will do all in my power to answer their call. Brothers I have shared experiences with, gotten in trouble with and chased women with. (apologies)

However, I have only the ONE brother who was actually an occupant of my biological mother's womb. As a matter of fact, he was the immediate past occupant of said womb.

There is a saying I once heard, 'There is no feud more bitter than a feud between blood kin..". And I have met a lot of siblings who - to put it delicately - dont get along at all.

Happily, this is NOT the case between my brother Oluwasegun Bankole Ajayi and I. And you can call him Segs. (sounds like 'sex' with a lisp doesnt it?) If you are Nigerian, you will probably call him "Segun" (pronounced "SHAY-gun)

Segun and I are quite different people

- We look nothing alike (as you can see from the picture above).
- He belonged to the equivalent of the "Phi Beta Kappa" society/sorority in University and always thought I was wasting my time with AIESEC;
- he has always had impeccable taste for fashion, I generally wear it if its clean;
he was a car freak and knew what the latest innovations were. I couldnt be bothered
- We were never interested in the same type of girls (although we both are charmers)

Compared to my older siblings (I have three including Segun) I came along quite late and Segun was already a bustling over-pampered four year old who thought he was going to be the 'baby' of the house forever. I knocked him off that perch.

Our first major altercation was when I was a few months old, my mum walked in on him holding me upside down in my cot. He claimed he was looking for the batteries that made me cry and move.

In those early years, we had a love-hate relationship. Many a time would Segun would sock me a really good whallop and I would run crying to my mum. Of course 5 mins after she made me sit with her, I would be itching to go hang out with my big bro again!

There were times when I really thought I hated him but these were only the times he wouldnt let me tag along with him on his numerous adventures (or so it seemed at the time) and I wished desprately I was older than I was because his favorite excuse was, "you're not old enough..." As a matter of fact

In University, although I had no interest in the "party clubs" he was a member of (I made a straight bee-line for the AIESEC office), it was ALWAYS with a sense of pride when someone refered to me as, "Segun Ajayi's brother...". I was quite happy with that title and indeed often introduced myself as such. (Hi, my name is Ladi, Segun's brother)

For almost 3 decades, my brother has been the epitome of cool for me. He made me laugh, makes me laugh and will continue to crack me up. He is the ONE person I can tell any joke to. He ALWAYS gets it. In his own way, he has looked out for me and made sure I made the right decisions for myself. Even though I like to pretend otherwise, getting the stamp of approval from my brother on ANYTHING I put my hand to is very important... (Happy was the day when he announced, "AIESEC has been good to you"

He is one of two individuals who have taught me the art of genorosity through their actions. He gives of himself and his possessions with total abandon and a genuine desire to help. However once he says no, its pretty hard to dissuade him. Extremely hard I should say. He is one of those who say they dont care what other people are saying and doing AND actually MEAN IT.

And now Segun is getting married. And I am the best man!

The sense of pride and deep emotion I felt when Segun asked me to be his best man cannot be expressed in words. To be honest, I wouldnt have been offended or slighted if he had chosen one of his close friends. But he didnt. He asked me. And what I said, about answering the call at the beginning... it certainly applies here. I am flying literally half-way across the world, paying thru the nose and even risking another blood clot issue (ok maybe not...doctor has cleared me) to be at my brother's wedding... it couldnt be any other way.

SO, 20 days from now, i will be taking a 27 hour flight to stand with pride (and a steadying hand) beside my big bruvver on potentially one of the happiest days of his life. For all the happy times, the tickling sessions as a kid, even the pummelings which sent me screaming to mum; the numerous times he has come to my aid with no questions asked; the listening ear and tough love he has shown me over the years...

Here is to a big brother who without effort lives up to the name of friend, brother, confidante, charm school instructor and sometime stand-up comedian. Your bride-to-be has absolutely no idea how lucky she is... Or maybe she does...

When I Grow Up I want to be Just Like Jose Mourinho

Liverpool broke my heart yesterday and I dont think I can ever forgive them!

Leading with a single goal from the first leg at Stamford Bridge and having dominated Liverpool FC completely. I was 100% sure we would be playing in our first Champions League Final ever.

It was not meant to be.

A well taken free-kick, an incisve shot on goal and Liverpool were tied on aggregate. They then proceeded to stifle the game. Playing our 60th game of the season against such tactics, it showed it WAS our 60th game. As one of my colleagues put it, we didnt show up for the game. But who can blame the players. There is so much the human body can take.

But within all this heartbreak... I would NEVER ever swap our positions for anybody's! Chasing four trophies this season, Chelsea FC has had a remarkable season. We dared to dream and acted on that dream. League Cup success is not going to be followed by Champions League success. Not this season at least.

Still an FA cup final to play. Oldest football competition in the world. To be played in the new Wembley stadium against the most successful club in England in the last 2 decades. At least we know what the grand finale will be for this season. As has been reported, Manchester United and Chelsea will field their strongest 11 for the FA cup having lost their places in the final of the CL

A bit of a consolation there that Man U lost as well. Having opened up a five point lead last week, it would have been galling for them to go on to Athens to the final. A bit mean of me but there you go! And as it is... I am now a fan of AC Milan IN EUROPE until May 20! Go Kaka!!!

And Tribute must go to the "Special One"! Jose Mourinho has already cemented his place in legends of yore. I just hope that crazy Russian at the top keeps him. I hate the speculation going around concerning Mourinho's job.

No one is that stupid!

I shall be supporting a Manchester based club as well this Saturday. United landed at 3:30am on Thursday and play City on Saturday. If they lose and we win at the Emirates Stadium, Title race is blown wide open again!!! This is what you call... down to the wire!!!

COME ON BLUES!!!

That Aussie Sense of Humour

The only reason I am posting the questions below is because I cannot get an image out of my head. That of Tom Gara the "Different Drummer" being asked these questions! They sound SOOOOO much like answers he would come up with it.

The Aussies and Kiwis are always having a go at each other and at the risk of being visited by immigration officials, I think the Aussies always come off the better in these delightful verbal wars!

I had read this before today but can't remember if it was on a blog or a forwarded email: ENJOY!

The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors. They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have an excellent sense of humour.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on
TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching
them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad
tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a
list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
(USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not..
oh forget it. ..... Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here
and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? ( UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
A: You're a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year
round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk
is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All
Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget
its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of
Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? ( France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can
you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population
is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I
dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

"Why Being a Nigerian is so Hard"

There is a saying in the Quadrant Hotel where I work a second job as a 'concierge', about Americans.

Whatever their faults and funny accents, no matter how demanding and unreasonable they might be... they give very hefty tips! The reason for this highlight shall be made clear later on in this post.

The title of this piece is taken directly from this article in the Guardian Newspaper online by Sonala Olumhense. He writes about the promise and expectations of the Nigerian populace in 1999 when civil rule was restored to Nigeria. He argues that by and large that promise and the expectations have not been met.

It wasnt until I moved so far away from my friends and family to New Zealand that I experienced some sort of home-sickness. My previous travels have always been in the Northern Hemisphere where give or take only a couple of hours, you went to bed at the same time as the bulk of your family members and friends. In New Zealand, the major immigrant presence is Asian and the sight of a black face on Queen Street in Auckland still warrants that you stop and say hello. If only because it is that rare to see.

My feelings of home-sickness lessened considerably when I met and interacted with other Nigerians here in Kiwiland. I consider myself a through and through nomad (international nomad) but I am very proud to say that I still have STRONG connections and links to my heritage. This is exhibited in language, music and values.

Unfourtunately, when I meet people and I tell them I am from Nigeria, what springs to mind are invariably negative connotations. Spam mails and all that...

Meet an American and you get that, "I-am-an-American-so-dont-mess-with-me" attitude. The US has spent the last 2 centuries proving to the world that you dont mess with any one of their citizens or you pay for it. And they back it up with technological advancement, largest market in the economic world and all that 'sole remaining Super power in the world' bullshit.

Get introduced to a German and you expect him/her to be a boring, efficient, always-on-time machine.
An Australian bloke should be this laid back, hard to understand guy who is very helpful and keeps saying, 'G'day mate!'
And I hear in the European Union these days, a Pole is this sexy, well toned plumber who is coming to take all the food from the mouth of the original members of the EU.

The point here is that most countries project these stereotypes that put their nationalities in a good light and that come to embody what being from that particular country means. Most immigrants (economic or political) usually have to work EXTRA hard to prove that they have what it takes to make it in their adopted country.

We Nigerians must have that 10 times more.

I have had people who are just meeting me, ask me why these emails asking for your bank account seem to come only from Nigeria. Other Africans also seem to think Nigerians are responsible for a lot of vices that come into their countries. Case in point being the 'black magic' movies that are exported to the whole continent. I met this slightly drunk Ethiopian girl the other day and when she heard I was Nigerian, she jumped behind a friend and screamed in mock fear, "Save me, dont let him cast a spell on me"

Everytime I listen to the issues being discussed in the NZ parliament or read about the latest policy measures announced by Gordon Brown, I shake my head and wonder when my dear country will reach the level and maturity of these kind of decision making.

Now elections were held recently in Nigeria and the main opposition candidate was the current Vice President who had fallen out of favor with the ruling party.

He was going around making statements like, 'this current administration is very corrupt"! The same administration he was a part of for 7 years but after being outmanuveured out of contention, he switched sides. The election was very very flawed and it is a measure of the despondency that people are willing to let it slide and just want to get on with their lives!

For me, being Nigerian means I have to apply for a visa to every single country I want to visit. Every single country. It means I have to present myself physically to the Thai embassy in London to apply for a Thai visa. Even though there is an embassy here in New Zealand.

But what is this trifle of mine, compared to the tens of millions of Nigerians who live on less than 3 dollars a day and yet see the wealth that being the 6th largest producer of oil generates all around them. The wealth being concentrated in the hands of a few elites who mismanage it. To them, being Nigerian means seeing the elites move around and arrogate power to themselves while they have no idea where lunch is coming from as breakfast is being served

And ask people all around the world from Business, Science, Academia, Commerce and the arts who know a Nigerian personally, they consider him/her as an exception. For every decent and positive Nigerian they have met, they have received 10 emails asking them for their credit card details or a bank transfer all purporting to be Central Bank Governor.

No day passes by without me dreaming about what could be. For my country. Perhaps its time to stop dreaming and start acting. God knows I know firsthand how hard it is to do exactly that.

Finally... an African Night on my Blog

I seem to finally have tricked my computer at home to start uploading pictures on my blog again!

I wanted to upload this picture exactly a month ago when Maria Farres was visiting and we attended the, "Miss NZ African Continental Beauty Pageant".

This was such a wonderful picture of the contestants in their evening gown. Such a stunning background and nice contrast of colors. And the beauty of the girls!

Lets see if I can get any more pictures on my blog!

MY Visual DNA

It has been quite a while hasnt it?

My blog is so far down the list of updated blogs in nomadlife.org right now and its not because there is nothing happening... its the other option... Too many things going on and no time to blog about them.

So thought it would be great to break the silence with this really cool Visual DNA thingy I first saw on Bee's blog and that has been popping up on various other blogs.

It is pretty cool!

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Work Team...

Check out the Middle-East and Africa team of the Fonterra Customer Service in Auckland! A very very diverse team. And the bestest and funest team on the floor!

Since the names wouldnt make much meaning, I will introduce by nationality:

Back row From left to right: Iranian-Indian; Tongan; Nigerian; Kiwi; Moroccan-Swedish; Samoan; Englishman; Indian

And the four girls in the front row: Samoan; Kiwi; Madgascan; Kiwi

The tiny lady in the front row 2nd from left is Karen Bouzaid. The bestest boss in the world! And Vicki (extreme right front row) is my hot supervisor who took such wonderful care of me when I was in hospital.

I am meeting with my new AIESEC buddy this evening (TGIF). A delightfully cute and funny Russian-Isreali girl. I already met her at the NZ AIESEC conference I attended over Easter weekend so this will be the official catch-up! Going for drinks afterwards with the whole team above to send off the Englishman who is leaving to start another job!

I love Fridays!

PS
It seems its my computer at home that cant upload pictures to blogger. I am posting from work now (hey! its a Friday evening!!!) and pictures are posting no problem.

Any ideas anyone?

A True Blue...

I confirmed today that the fortunes of Chelsea Football Club SW6 1HS London United Kingdom is very dear to my heart!

I got back from my second job at 06:45 (NZT) and hurried to switch on the TV to Sky Sports 2.

Unfourtunately for me, it was the other Quarter-Final match between Manure and Roma FC of Italy that was being screened live from the UEFA Champions League competition.

Since I started work again at 1300 (NZT) I decided to go to bed and get my requisite 5 hours of sweet slumber. It was anything but!

I tossed and I turned and I kept waking up, drifting back to sleep and ended up dreaming I was a member of the Chelsea squad and we were getting hammered by Valencia FC in Spain. I woke up in a cold sweat and realized after a 10 second delay that it was a dream! I looked longingly at my computer and almost got up to check the live scores from ESPN.com but decided not to!

Eventually, I got up at noon and pounced on my computer. The headline screaming at me from the Sports Page was "Manchester United Storm into Semi-Finals". And as a sub-header, "Essien puts Blues through" YEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

Apparently, Manure steam-rollered Roma 7 goals to 1! (Holy Shit!) while, more importantly Michael Essien, the Ghanian powerhouse scored a winning goal in the FINAL minute to put the Blues through into the Semi-final of the most prestigious club competition in the world!

Despite not getting enough sleep, I have been in a buzz the whole day and everything just seems to be hunky-dory! Its amazing how the fortunes of my club (yes its mine!) can make such a huge difference! Even manure getting through is a plus for us. Because it means they ALSO have 2 extra games to play and it becomes that much more difficult for them to defend their lead at the top of the Premiership! Not enough depth in squad. Saha, Vidic and Gary Neville are all side-lined, no one to replace them.

Another interesting thing is that Manure is looking to become finalists opposite us in the remaining three competitions we are pushing for honors. Premiership, FA Cup and Champions League. Of course we still need to get past Liverpool in the semis of the CL but hey...!

I Love this Game! I love Chelsea and when I grow up, I want to be exactly like Jose Mourinho!

Jose Mourinho is without a doubt the best manager in the world. Apart from being a genius of a tactician who can read a game to the finest detail, his colorful character and outrageous quotes have livened up the English Premiership as a whole. His substitution (a returning Joe Cole for Lassana Diarra) at half-time of this game against Valencia showed without a doubt that truly, he is a "Special One"!

No matter what Roman Abrahamovic holds against him, this victory against Valencia must have made him stop to think. If you get rid of Jose Mourinho in the summer, it would be the single biggest mistake yet in the history of the English game!!!

I can only hope that Jose becomes synonymous with Chelsea as Sir Alex Ferguson has become with Manchester United!

LONG LIVE THE BLUES!!!

I cant post pictures

BUGGER!

An African Day in New Zealand...

The history of Africa is a very one-sided story indeed.

It is told in terms of European involvement with Africa. I remember my history lessons in school back then when the earliest dates we had to commit to memory were the dates the Portuguese traders landed on the shores of Africa.

Whatever went on there BEFORE that?

Maria Farres (who is enthralled with Africa by the way) was reading this book while she was here. I forget its name now but the preface described the European powers of the day parcelling out the continent of Africa in London, Berlin and Paris. There was absolutely no concern for the peoples living there and lines were drawn cutting nations and lumping historical enemies together.

It is interesting to note that when the Organization for African Unity (precursor to the present African Union) was being formed in 1963 one of the first things the members incorporated into the charter was that all pre-independence borders would remain the same. They would not even be discussed! This I guess was wise thinking, to prevent the whole continent going up in flames over border disputes. One of the oldest excuses man has, to kill his fellow man!

The resources and natural endowments of Africa were exploited for the empire-building exercise of the European powers. Nigeria was created for instance in 1914 from an amalgation of two admin divisions of the British empire for 'easier' administration.

Of course after WWII, the British's position became untenable and the independence of India in 1947 gave rise to the same nationalist tendencies in Africa. Ghana under Kwame Nkrumah became the first African nation to gain its independence in 1957.

So on Saturday, March 17, the Ghanian community in New Zealand came together to celebrate 50 years of independence. That day turned out to be an African day for Maria, Sean and myself. The festivities were held in a community town hall and it was quite nice to see the national dresses and dances, and generally just to be among so many other Africans!

There was a Maori group who did the haka, and I can tell you it was a whole lot more impressive than when Ryan and Taco did it at IPM in the Netherlands!

Knowing your Sauvignons, Pinors and Chardonnays

I have a lot to be grateful to Emma Gavert for.

One of the many things she developed in me was an appreciation for food. You see, before I lived in Sweden and had all those countless dinners with Emma, Maria and Amit, I considered food as basically... fuel. I was hungry, I ate. It didnt matter what I was eating as long as it tasted good and more importantly... that it filled my (now) big tummy!

But Emma... preparing dinner with Emma was always an experience. From shopping for exactly the right brand of guacomole to making sure that we had the right wine for the meal. Amit and I used to call her a "Food Fascist". Anyway... I consider it an integral part of my education that I started caring exactly what went into my mouth as food, how it is prepared, where it prepared and striving for that perfect meal.

I took a huge step further down that education when Maria Farres who was here for 2 weeks took me along to a wine tasting tour.

The day consisted of visits to 5 wineries and a huge huge lunch. We tasted whites, reds and dessert wines in fruity, spicy and oaken flavours. To be honest, after the second winery they all started to taste the same to me. So I guess I still have some way to go in my education.

But it was interesting to learn that Australia and the US acount for a huge chunk of wine production in the world. There are actually wineries in the US that make more wine in a week than the whole of New Zealand makes!

Champagne can either be artificial bubbles or traditionale methode made. And actually... "Champagne" can only be used to refer to wines that are made in the Champagne region of France. If a wine-maker in Australia called one of his wines "Champagne", he would get his ass sued off! Although there are countless variants of the magic bubbly around the world!

I will be taking more of these tours in future and I WILL take a notebook along. Apparently it impresses the ladies no end if you are able to ask for a particular Pinot Noir from a particular year to go with that fish!

On Nakedness and Nudity

In August last year, a New Zealand porn film producer organized a Boobs-on-Bikes parade. It is an annual event where dozens of beautiful girls ride on the backs of Motor Bikes dressed in skin tight leather pants and well... nothing else.



At the time, it caused a lot of brouhaha as the said producer applied for some council support with crowd control whereupon he was told he would need a permit for the parade. He defied the council and went ahead anyway with the parade, which was well attended! You can read the full story here.

And No I was not there as I was working very hard in the office at the time.

Anyway, I asked 2 posts ago if anyone had any ideas on the difference between Nakedness and Nudity.

Most dictionaries define them as one and the same but there is a fundamental difference.

Nakedness comes with an awareness of nudity and an attendant inhibition and embarassment.
Nudity is free of this awareness.

So if one of my flatmates was without clothes in her room, she would be described as being "in the nude". But if I charge into the room without knocking and see her in all her glory... she instantly becomes naked!!!

Nudist beaches contain a lot of people in the nude as everyone else there being without clothes and acting normally, removes that inhibition that causes nakedness. But if some dirty old man starts staring rudely at the nicely proportioned shape of some hapless damsel, and she notices him staring he instantly renders her naked.

Pretty interesting isnt it?

And just to make writing this post more enjoyable, I wrote it in the nude!!!

Typical Nigerian Humour...

I just got an email joke from a friend and I just had to share it but a bit of background first.

Nigeria's 150 million population is made up of about 19 distinct ethnic groups. There are three dominant ones (in terms of population and sphere of influence). The Yoruba, Igbo and Hausa.

The Yoruba are in and around the Lagos Estuary and savannah of the South West, the Igbo on the beaches and hills of the South-East and the Hausa are in the sahel and desert regions of the north.
This is of course very simplified.
If you are interested in a detailed lesson click here.

The following joke follows the classic template you have all around the world... like the Kiwis tell of the Aussies; Americans tell of the Canadians; Italians tell of the French; Swedes tell of Norwegians; Danes tell of Swedes and everybody tells about Belgians.

And oh yeah... I am Yoruba!


Abeg make una read this story follow me laugh... (Pidgin English for, “Please read this story and laugh with me”)

------------

Three Nigerians, one Hausa, one Igbo and one Yoruba sat somewhere in Saudi Arabia , sharing a smuggled barrel of beer and feeling rather safe. But, all of a sudden, the police stormed their hideout and arrested them. After the sort of trial expected in a theocracy, they were handed the death sentence. But, since it was a national holiday, the Sheikh decided to commute the capital sentence. He ordered that they should be released after each had received 20 lashes of horsewhip on his bare backside.

As the convicts prepared for their punishment, the Sheikh made an announcement: 'It is my dear first wife's birthday today and she asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping. You can wish anything, except wishing not to be walloped!'

The Hausa man thought for a second and then mouthed his wish: Please tie a pillow to my back before whipping me. His wish was carried out. But the pillow lasted for ten lashes, which meant that the second half of the thrashing impacted on his torso, sending him shivering in anguish.

The Igbo man smiled. If a pillow lasted ten lashes, why, he could get away without any skin pain. Please tie two pillows to my back before flogging me. This was done and the happy fellow with the Igbo man sense only heard the 20 lashes delivered but felt no pain at all.

The Yoruba man took in everything that had transpired. Because he was grinning from ear to ear, the Sheikh and his lieutenants thought he was going to ask for, perhaps, the impenetrable shield of 30 pillows. But before he could make his wish, the Sheikh remembered. He remembered that the man shared the same ethnicity with the Nigerian President. Hold your wish a second, the Sheik said. Since you share the same ethnicity with Baba, the greatest president to come, not just out of Nigeria but also out of Africa and the entire Black world, you are permitted to have two wishes!

Upon hearing this the Yoruba man lifted both his hands in celebration, just like a professional pugilist that had finally floored a most stubborn opponent. When his hands finally came down he spoke. Before I make my wishes, I must first thank very seriously your most royal and merciful highness, said the Yoruba man. May Allah bless you ten times every day and a million times on each Friday.

Now, to come to what we are talking about, which are my wishes. The first one is this: I wish to receive 100 lashes with the strongest, toughest whips available.If you so desire, the Sheikh replied with a puzzled look on his face. And your second wish?"Tie the Igbo man to my back."

Since I was born....

There is this song we used to sing in AIESEC Nigeria back in the days. We sang it to the tune of a Christian melody./..

"Since I was Born...
And Now I am old...
I have never seen a woman Naked...!"
"Ladi have you seen?

(And then I answer) NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NON O NON ON
I have never seen a woman naked!

Well I just saw a woman in the nude!

It is 03:27am and I am taking a break on my graveyard shift in The Quadrant. 30 mins ago however, I was delivering room service to a room and a woman who was completely in the nude (and piss drunk) opened the door. She was completely unaware of her nudity and she didnt notice I was in total shock for a few seconds!!!

I stammered something incoherent and passed across the tray I was holding. She took it, placed it on the table behind her, signed the check and closed the door.

I made it to the elevator before I collapsed in a heap laughing like crazy!!!
I just had to share this immediately which is why I rushed to the computer in the staff room. CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY!!!

On another note...
Notice I refer to the woman as "...being in the nude". She was NOT naked. Can anyone tell the difference?

Mixed Up Body Clock

The time is 07h31 AM and I have been awake for the last two and a half hours.

I havent worked at my Concierge job for the last week but my body apparently doesnt know this.

Still trying to adjust to staying up all night and then getting 5 hours of deep deep sleep, suddenly trying to sleep through the whole night is confusing my poor body. And if that confuses you too, small wonder?

I work tonight anyway and then Maria Farres arrives tomorrow morning. Yipee!