Tell Someone Your Story

I have some amazing stories to tell.

Considering my history and background, as well as varied experiences I’ve had whilst living in 4 different countries on 3 different continents, I have racked up some impressive yarns.

Add to this the fact that I consider myself a very good story-teller (both verbally and writing) then this one makes a whole lot of sense.

The problem however is that some stories cannot be easily shared with just anyone. You find individuals on Facebook for instance who share intimate details on Facebook and whilst this is a way of sharing information, it is not the same as having someone sit across from you and listen to your story.

Having gone through a separation has obviously been a learning experience for me in so many ways. And a lonely one. There are very few people I feel comfortable with discussing the way I really feel with. Especially among family members and even close friends. What I find is that a lot of people already have preconceived notions of what you are going to say and are more interested in telling you what they think. Without ever really listening to you.

I find that I have to project different personalities depending on who I am talking to and I oftentimes find myself telling my story in a way as not to offend. Or give someone the opportunity to blackmail me emotionally.

Rarely, do I have the opportunity to clearly and unabashedly tell my story to a person and not get judged in return. Or told what to do. Or what not to do. Just tell my story and have someone listen. I say rarely because I do have some wonderful friends (and family) who are amazing listeners and who listen to my story. And nothing else.

I look forward to my sessions with these friends because in telling my story, it releases the burden of pent-up emotions and makes you feel like the maxim, ‘a problem shared is a problem half solved’.

And not always is my story one of suffering and woe. Some genuinely amazing things have happened to me (as well as some naughty ones) and it is the same principle of being able to share these stories and not feel like you are having to defend your choices or lifestyle. You just get an appreciation of sharing your stories.

A shrink serves this purpose too. A professional with an objective outlook and no personal stake in your story. A professional listener. The 12 sessions I had with Dr Yolanda was critical in helping me crystallize my thoughts and firm up my conviction. I was able to speak through my doubts, fears and aspirations and all she did was, listen.

Some people actually prefer the anonymity of a stranger at a bar to pour out the story of their lives to. Or a helpline. I guess the point is that verbalizing an account of your story to someone no matter the form it takes is such an integral part of the human experience. It is how history and ideals and ancestral knowledge was passed from generation to generation for so long after all.

Life is a conversation. And if you’re lucky enough to find someone or some people to listen to your side of it then you are extremely lucky indeed

This post is part of the series on "How to get and keep happiness" from the Time Magazine article online here. I had written about 13 of the 20 ways to get and happiness. This is number 14. You can find the others on this blog.