With this Ring I Thee Wed... Part I

Of course if you have lived in or being influenced by Western Culture, the title of this post should be very familiar to you.

It is the culmination of a process wherein

- boy meets girl,

- girl likes boy,

- boy runs scared that girl might actually like him enough to want to spend the rest of her life with him,

- girl convinces him this is not such a bad thing and

- boy suddenly finds he cannot live without girl,

- he puts a diamond ring on her finger to let other boys know she is no longer available and

- if parents, friends or a drop-dead gorgeous man-killer of a woman do not interfere,

- he eventually puts a wedding band on her finger in front of man, God and the church uttering the words above at some point...

Of course a lot of couples are dispensing with the last three steps above and just jumping straight to the next step of having children together and sharing everything from their bank accounts to the gym membership at the local spa.

But I digress...

Being from the Yoruba ethnic group of South western Nigeria and having being baptized as a Christian AND being influenced a whole lot by Western culture (all those American movies), deciding to spend the rest of your life with someone is a little bit more complicated than the process enumerated above!

At some point when you start meeting and dating members of the opposite sex, your parents start hinting that although a marriage is majorly about the two individuals, its also a lot about bringing two families together! Now since Nigeria is made up of at least 19 distinct different ethnic groups, with different languages, culture and history, you begin to read between the lines and get an idea of what your parents are alluding to!

Of course the younger generation (my generation) are a bit more cosmopolitan and global-minded and it doesnt raise eyebrows as much these days if as a Yoruba girl you marry an Ibo boy! Not too many eyebrows... well... a bit silly... but there you go!

Anyway... my big brother obviously took all those hints from my dad to heart and his bride is a nice Yoruba girl, who is also a Lawyer to boot! And since they are both Yoruba, we would be having an explosion of Yoruba culture and an excuse to party until we dropped!

First off... the wedding ideally takes place over 2-3 days. Like I said, since we are Christian, there was a fusion of the Western and the traditional. There are Yorubas who are muslim but no matter what religion, you are obliged to have the Engagement/Traditional ceremony.

The traditonal ceremony is a formal all day event that involves members of the groom's family coming with a huge delegation to ask for the hand of the girl in marriage. The bride's family of course is the 'host' and ideally should be seated when the groom's family arrives.

And when the groom's family arrives, it is no mere matter of strolling into the place. They are met by singers, drummers and praise singers. When we say that this is a day of joy and merriment, we mean it is a day of partying!
Now each family has a representative that handles all the 'negotiations' and ensures that all the forms are kept. The roles are usually taken by women and one could call them the custodians of tradition who ensure that everything is done according to laid down customs.

The picture on the left shows my parents at the far left (in green). The lady in the middle dressed in brown is the "Alaga-iduro" or groom's family rep.

Another interesting part of the whole thing are the outfits worn by each family. There is a color scheme, which in this case was Gold for the groom's family and Blue for the bride's family. Friends, family and associates of each family dress in head-ties and outfits that reflect the color.

There are smiles aplenty... afterall its not everyday you go to ask for the hand of a lovely damsel for your first son and heir!

And the charge is led by the parents of the groom who have place of honor at the head of the procession that will include friends, family members and loved ones.

There is an official letter written by the groom's family that is read by a young lady from the bride's family. The letter is on expensive paper and should be poetic as it is clear and direct. The damsel who reads the letter is usually the younger sister/cousin of the bride and she should read the letter in a clear, melodious and articulate tone.

The letter is wrapped in fancy paper and ribbons. Here you see my parents presenting it to the reps! (or "Alaga")

TO BE CONTINUED...