An African Day in New Zealand...

The history of Africa is a very one-sided story indeed.

It is told in terms of European involvement with Africa. I remember my history lessons in school back then when the earliest dates we had to commit to memory were the dates the Portuguese traders landed on the shores of Africa.

Whatever went on there BEFORE that?

Maria Farres (who is enthralled with Africa by the way) was reading this book while she was here. I forget its name now but the preface described the European powers of the day parcelling out the continent of Africa in London, Berlin and Paris. There was absolutely no concern for the peoples living there and lines were drawn cutting nations and lumping historical enemies together.

It is interesting to note that when the Organization for African Unity (precursor to the present African Union) was being formed in 1963 one of the first things the members incorporated into the charter was that all pre-independence borders would remain the same. They would not even be discussed! This I guess was wise thinking, to prevent the whole continent going up in flames over border disputes. One of the oldest excuses man has, to kill his fellow man!

The resources and natural endowments of Africa were exploited for the empire-building exercise of the European powers. Nigeria was created for instance in 1914 from an amalgation of two admin divisions of the British empire for 'easier' administration.

Of course after WWII, the British's position became untenable and the independence of India in 1947 gave rise to the same nationalist tendencies in Africa. Ghana under Kwame Nkrumah became the first African nation to gain its independence in 1957.

So on Saturday, March 17, the Ghanian community in New Zealand came together to celebrate 50 years of independence. That day turned out to be an African day for Maria, Sean and myself. The festivities were held in a community town hall and it was quite nice to see the national dresses and dances, and generally just to be among so many other Africans!

There was a Maori group who did the haka, and I can tell you it was a whole lot more impressive than when Ryan and Taco did it at IPM in the Netherlands!

Knowing your Sauvignons, Pinors and Chardonnays

I have a lot to be grateful to Emma Gavert for.

One of the many things she developed in me was an appreciation for food. You see, before I lived in Sweden and had all those countless dinners with Emma, Maria and Amit, I considered food as basically... fuel. I was hungry, I ate. It didnt matter what I was eating as long as it tasted good and more importantly... that it filled my (now) big tummy!

But Emma... preparing dinner with Emma was always an experience. From shopping for exactly the right brand of guacomole to making sure that we had the right wine for the meal. Amit and I used to call her a "Food Fascist". Anyway... I consider it an integral part of my education that I started caring exactly what went into my mouth as food, how it is prepared, where it prepared and striving for that perfect meal.

I took a huge step further down that education when Maria Farres who was here for 2 weeks took me along to a wine tasting tour.

The day consisted of visits to 5 wineries and a huge huge lunch. We tasted whites, reds and dessert wines in fruity, spicy and oaken flavours. To be honest, after the second winery they all started to taste the same to me. So I guess I still have some way to go in my education.

But it was interesting to learn that Australia and the US acount for a huge chunk of wine production in the world. There are actually wineries in the US that make more wine in a week than the whole of New Zealand makes!

Champagne can either be artificial bubbles or traditionale methode made. And actually... "Champagne" can only be used to refer to wines that are made in the Champagne region of France. If a wine-maker in Australia called one of his wines "Champagne", he would get his ass sued off! Although there are countless variants of the magic bubbly around the world!

I will be taking more of these tours in future and I WILL take a notebook along. Apparently it impresses the ladies no end if you are able to ask for a particular Pinot Noir from a particular year to go with that fish!

On Nakedness and Nudity

In August last year, a New Zealand porn film producer organized a Boobs-on-Bikes parade. It is an annual event where dozens of beautiful girls ride on the backs of Motor Bikes dressed in skin tight leather pants and well... nothing else.



At the time, it caused a lot of brouhaha as the said producer applied for some council support with crowd control whereupon he was told he would need a permit for the parade. He defied the council and went ahead anyway with the parade, which was well attended! You can read the full story here.

And No I was not there as I was working very hard in the office at the time.

Anyway, I asked 2 posts ago if anyone had any ideas on the difference between Nakedness and Nudity.

Most dictionaries define them as one and the same but there is a fundamental difference.

Nakedness comes with an awareness of nudity and an attendant inhibition and embarassment.
Nudity is free of this awareness.

So if one of my flatmates was without clothes in her room, she would be described as being "in the nude". But if I charge into the room without knocking and see her in all her glory... she instantly becomes naked!!!

Nudist beaches contain a lot of people in the nude as everyone else there being without clothes and acting normally, removes that inhibition that causes nakedness. But if some dirty old man starts staring rudely at the nicely proportioned shape of some hapless damsel, and she notices him staring he instantly renders her naked.

Pretty interesting isnt it?

And just to make writing this post more enjoyable, I wrote it in the nude!!!

Typical Nigerian Humour...

I just got an email joke from a friend and I just had to share it but a bit of background first.

Nigeria's 150 million population is made up of about 19 distinct ethnic groups. There are three dominant ones (in terms of population and sphere of influence). The Yoruba, Igbo and Hausa.

The Yoruba are in and around the Lagos Estuary and savannah of the South West, the Igbo on the beaches and hills of the South-East and the Hausa are in the sahel and desert regions of the north.
This is of course very simplified.
If you are interested in a detailed lesson click here.

The following joke follows the classic template you have all around the world... like the Kiwis tell of the Aussies; Americans tell of the Canadians; Italians tell of the French; Swedes tell of Norwegians; Danes tell of Swedes and everybody tells about Belgians.

And oh yeah... I am Yoruba!


Abeg make una read this story follow me laugh... (Pidgin English for, “Please read this story and laugh with me”)

------------

Three Nigerians, one Hausa, one Igbo and one Yoruba sat somewhere in Saudi Arabia , sharing a smuggled barrel of beer and feeling rather safe. But, all of a sudden, the police stormed their hideout and arrested them. After the sort of trial expected in a theocracy, they were handed the death sentence. But, since it was a national holiday, the Sheikh decided to commute the capital sentence. He ordered that they should be released after each had received 20 lashes of horsewhip on his bare backside.

As the convicts prepared for their punishment, the Sheikh made an announcement: 'It is my dear first wife's birthday today and she asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping. You can wish anything, except wishing not to be walloped!'

The Hausa man thought for a second and then mouthed his wish: Please tie a pillow to my back before whipping me. His wish was carried out. But the pillow lasted for ten lashes, which meant that the second half of the thrashing impacted on his torso, sending him shivering in anguish.

The Igbo man smiled. If a pillow lasted ten lashes, why, he could get away without any skin pain. Please tie two pillows to my back before flogging me. This was done and the happy fellow with the Igbo man sense only heard the 20 lashes delivered but felt no pain at all.

The Yoruba man took in everything that had transpired. Because he was grinning from ear to ear, the Sheikh and his lieutenants thought he was going to ask for, perhaps, the impenetrable shield of 30 pillows. But before he could make his wish, the Sheikh remembered. He remembered that the man shared the same ethnicity with the Nigerian President. Hold your wish a second, the Sheik said. Since you share the same ethnicity with Baba, the greatest president to come, not just out of Nigeria but also out of Africa and the entire Black world, you are permitted to have two wishes!

Upon hearing this the Yoruba man lifted both his hands in celebration, just like a professional pugilist that had finally floored a most stubborn opponent. When his hands finally came down he spoke. Before I make my wishes, I must first thank very seriously your most royal and merciful highness, said the Yoruba man. May Allah bless you ten times every day and a million times on each Friday.

Now, to come to what we are talking about, which are my wishes. The first one is this: I wish to receive 100 lashes with the strongest, toughest whips available.If you so desire, the Sheikh replied with a puzzled look on his face. And your second wish?"Tie the Igbo man to my back."

Since I was born....

There is this song we used to sing in AIESEC Nigeria back in the days. We sang it to the tune of a Christian melody./..

"Since I was Born...
And Now I am old...
I have never seen a woman Naked...!"
"Ladi have you seen?

(And then I answer) NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NON O NON ON
I have never seen a woman naked!

Well I just saw a woman in the nude!

It is 03:27am and I am taking a break on my graveyard shift in The Quadrant. 30 mins ago however, I was delivering room service to a room and a woman who was completely in the nude (and piss drunk) opened the door. She was completely unaware of her nudity and she didnt notice I was in total shock for a few seconds!!!

I stammered something incoherent and passed across the tray I was holding. She took it, placed it on the table behind her, signed the check and closed the door.

I made it to the elevator before I collapsed in a heap laughing like crazy!!!
I just had to share this immediately which is why I rushed to the computer in the staff room. CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY!!!

On another note...
Notice I refer to the woman as "...being in the nude". She was NOT naked. Can anyone tell the difference?

Mixed Up Body Clock

The time is 07h31 AM and I have been awake for the last two and a half hours.

I havent worked at my Concierge job for the last week but my body apparently doesnt know this.

Still trying to adjust to staying up all night and then getting 5 hours of deep deep sleep, suddenly trying to sleep through the whole night is confusing my poor body. And if that confuses you too, small wonder?

I work tonight anyway and then Maria Farres arrives tomorrow morning. Yipee!

An Enquiring Mind

My Goodness! It's been such a long while since I posted hasnt it?

And it is not for a lack of interesting things happening to me. I have gone through what I am sure the hundred (thousands) of other bloggers go through when they go so far as to open the "New Post" window but then just close it. Too lazy, not inspired, just plain cowardice, lack of discipline, call it what you will. Ah Well... now I am posting, let us hope I finish it.

So can you put a price on a human life?

Of course not. We generally put a price on most other things (including other 'lower' animals) but human life is generally seen as being sacroscant and with immeasurable value. Thank Goodness for civilization as we know it now.

But what CAN be measured in monetary terms is the effort that goes towards saving a human life. And if you think I am talking baloney... why do you think doctors are some of the most well paid members of society? (Functioning societies at least)

Anyway... those of you who have been interested in my particular odyssey will know that I had a near miss incident at the end of last year and spent 8 days in hospital. What most of you will not have known is that I got slapped with a twenty thousand dollar hospital bill. US$. ($US20,000.00) And before I go on....

IF YOU DONT HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE, GO OUT AND GET ONE RIGHT AWAY!!!

Ok ok ok... my bad! I SHOULD have gotten health insurance as soon as I got into NZ but I didnt, I mean... I have never been majorly sick in my life before and I just kept postponing it! But thats all in the past now. So not only am I stuck on blood thinning tablets for a while but I also had to contend with a crippling interest free payment plan.

I said "had", its not all doom and gloom.

I realized while I was in hospital just how much of an impact I have had at work. My boss and indeed the whole Fonterra management structure were and have been absolutely wonderful. And my boss gave me good news some weeks ago that she (and HR) would be absolutely delighted to offer me a more permanent contract after my traineeship is over! I am one of eight AIESEC interns here and I am the only one who has received this offer.

The original payment plan with the hospital was based on my 18 month contract with Fonterra and was spread across my remaining time in NZ. I would have been paying more than half of my salary from Fonterra (Did I ever mention how GOOD the salary is?) and after my other bills, it would have been a real slog I can tell you. And I would have done this for 12 months! But now with the offer of the contract from my wonderful first class; market leader; progessive and innovative company (just in case my boss is reading) I can spread the payments across a more longer period than 12 months.

I actually made one payment in January and boy... It was worse than when I was living in one of the most expensive cities in the world and earning 350 Euros a month!!!

So now I am in the process of getting things finalized with NZ immigration so I can have something formal to present to the hospital and in the meantime, I still have to make some sort of payment to the hospital, which I am. I have however drastically reduced the amount I am paying .

However... my one and only big brother is getting married in June in Nigeria and I happen to be best man! (More on this later) So in order to make sure I am there to prevent my bro from bailing out on the day... I have had to get a second job!!! (Think Flight ticket, paying for the tuxedo, spending money... and I am soooooo far away)

Yep... I am now working a second job in a really trendy hotel in downtown Auckland city. Its actually less than a hundred meters from Fonterra Center so it works out really good since my place is just 15 mins away as well. Check out the website on The Quadrant and 'we' even have a blog!

So from 1300-2200 NZT, I am a corporate Customer Service Executive with major accounts in the Middle East and moving millions of dollars worth of milk products every week. And from 2230 to 0630 the next day for 4 nights a week, I am a concierge in the Front Desk department of The Quadrant. I make sure Guests get a big welcoming smile when they arrive, help them with their lugagge and generally strive to ensure their every need is met while they are staying with us!

Welcome to the real world.

I called a friend in Nigeria and when I told him, he commented, "You poor lazy mummy's boy, how are you coping?"I work 16 hours a day now and for someone who has been used to sleeping at least 8 hours a day... my poor body found it hard going the first week. This is my second week and I am still adjusting. I leave The Quadrant at 0630 (no exceptions) and I'm in bed by 0700. Get up at 1230 and rush around trying to get ready for Fonterra. I am so thankful that I do not have problems falling asleep.

I am also thankful for a lot of other things.

- For being alive to have these 'challenges' (I could be dead)
- For being blessed with such an optimistic personality
- For the support of my parents who would have sent me financial assistance (but they are not)
- For my siblings with their constant show of love (even if they still treat me like a kid);
- For friends and colleagues;
- I am thankful for AIESEC and the experiences I had there

My dear friend Kene Umeasiegbu it was, who said to me when I was leaving for New Zealand. "Approach each experience with an enquiring mind..." I take this to mean that I should not fall into a 'routine' and closed mindset but constantly seek to learn and truly "live". Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish you might say.

So expect a lot of exciting new stories from my new job, I already have quite a few... "Naked people opening their doors to collect room service; A bewildered elderly guest who thought he wsa in Australia; Nafeez, the ebullient manager I work with..."

Endless, endless journey called Life!

Running of the Bulls...

My company held an event involving all members of staff, jugs of milk, the steepest hill in Auckland and lots of huffing and puffing!!!

It was a relay in which each floor of our 11 floor building had to field a team of four people who would run relay! Each team had to have at least one female.

I was very keen to be a part of the Level 1 team but my boss insisted that a body bag could not be easily allocated to any cost center. Moreso as this was the same hill I had my Pulmonary Embolism!

It was a very nice Kiwi summer day and staff emptied out in their droves to cheer on their teams. Since I was not a member of the relay team, guess which floor had the most colorful and vocal supporters??? It also helped that we have a Latin America team on my floor!

Its events like this (The Running of the Bulls") that let Fonterra be such a nice and fun place to work!
PS
See if you can spot me in the picture above... hint - I am wearing green!

A Huge Load off My Shoulders...

Journey of a thousand miles begins with one step

I took that step, in what is turning into a multi-faceted, action-packed story of life. Of Epic proportions. And I felt like Atlas on a sabbatical from his world-carrying duties!

I am too tired to write more. What a journey though!
PS
That's David, President of AIESEC in Auckland and my host when I first arrived in NZ, in the pic with me!

I Like Birthdays...

Here I am with Rusha who shares my birthday date. Not the actual day. We are seven years apart. (Gosh I am old!)

I had dinner at a really posh Thai restaurant with a bunch of friends to round up a really relaxing birthday for me. I also got phone-calls literally from around the world wishing me a happy birthday.

I like birthdays!

Feb 04 - That Special of Days (I think!)

Yep Its My Birthday Today!

So send in all your best wishes. I expect more than 20 comments on this post by the end of the day. Well...maybe by the end of Feb 05 in the northern hemisphere. Haha

I share my birthday with quite a lot of notable people. Labake Quadri, Rusha, Leah, Natalie Imbruglia, Oscar De La Hoya, Rosa Parks, Sean's mother... (It's amazing the information you can get from the internet, isnt it?)

And here are some interesting facts on me for being born on the exact day I was...

- My date of conception was on or about 14 May 1980 which was a Wednesday
- I was born on a Wednesday
- My birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 2/16/1980 and ending 2/4/1981. Chinese year of the Monkey Twas the very last day of the Monkey!
- My age is the equivalent of a dog that is 3.71624266144814 years old. (Life's just a big chewy bone for ME!)
- Endless Love by Diana Ross & Lionel Richie was a top song in 1981


If you would like to know when or about your parents conceived you and such other miscellaneous facts, you can visit Paul Sadowski.

Off to the Beach now...

Harry Potter Fever...

And So it begins all over again!

Well actually, it began a little after the first book in the Series was published and Harry Potter and the Philosper's Stone had more or less been transformed by word of mouth and some slick marketing by Bloomsbury's Press into a global phenomenom! Or perhaps... it's not fair to say that. The book ACTUALLY sold itself and opened up a hirtherto unknown world of imagination to kids.

Kids had been having it easy (or hard depending on how you look at it) and not given the opportunity to use their own imagination in the way that books are wont to do to you. Multimedia, Television, Video Games were basically the order of the day (they still are to a large extent) and kids were plugging in to already created worlds and fantasies and not necessarily creating one for themselves!

I remember as an 8 year old kid myself the Enid Blyton books I read. She had the ability to take you away into her world of fairies, golliwogs, elves, kid detectives and once you were there, you just started creating and expanding this world until you made it your very own! Hans Christian Anderson book of fairy tales was also a favorite. And who can forget Archie comics? Tintin? Asterix adventures? Ah! Those were the days!

Joanne Kathleen Rowling has become a force to reckon with as well. Credited with bringing kids back to reading books, having her books translated into various languages and into a hugely successfull movie franchise (you cant avoid it can you?!) and becoming a billonaire in the bargain! This a woman who was once on welfare! (can you imagine?!)

To be honest I wasnt interested in the Harry Potter books when they first came out. They got up to Book 5 before I was snatched bodily and dumped on the bandwagon. I was in a London bookstore buying a book in another long running series (Wheel of Time). I was told I would have to come back the next day to pick up the book. I had been looking forward to reading that book that day and looked round to see if I couldnt pick up something else to occupy my time until the next day. Harry Potter happened to be sitting on a display stand right next to me (the book not the boy). I purchased "The Philospher's Stone" and took it it home with me.
When I went back the next day to pick up my ordered book, I purchased Books 2 - 5!!! Been hooked ever since!

Waiting for Book 6 was such an interesting experience. There is a whole sub-culture of Harry Potter on the internet, I joined internet forums dedicated to discussing plots and snippets of the series. You can sign up to become a student of Hogwarts (the training school for Wizards and Witches), answer questions to determine what house you would be 'sorted' into in Hogwarts and so much more...

When Book 6 was released, I was in Nigeria and it didnt go on sale immediately there. Luckily I was leaving for Sweden via London and Amsterdam and I was sure I would get it in one of those cities. But alas! It was sold out in ALL the London bookstores I went to (it sold 2 million copies in the UK on the day of release) sold out in Amsterdam as well, I had to wait till Stockholm in maybe the 6th bookshop I tried before finding a copy!

And now I know the date for the release of the 7th and final book. Before it was announced, you were able to slip it to the back of your mind. It's coming but you dont know when exactly! Now I know and it ranks right up there with going home to Nigeria in May and my brother's wedding in June! Ok.. maybe not the wedding but still....

Let's see how many records this one will break. Oh Gosh I can hardly wait!!!

What's in an Accent?

So there I was.

The Fonterra Customer Service Management team had scheduled presentations to selected groups of individuals. The presentations were going to cover the vision and strategy guidelines for the FCS for the coming year.

I had of course opened my big mouth too many times relishing the level of discussions and remembering my MC days in AIESEC International Congresses.

The Facilitator was just about to make a point on the difference between kiwis and Americans when he paused, turned and looked in my direction and asked with a quzzical smile on his face, "I hope there are no Americans here...". I looked behind me before I figured out he thought there was a chance I was one!

When I was in Sweden, I found that a lot of young Swedes spoke English with the accent of whatever English speaking country they happened to have gone to on their 'gap' year. Annika Hedstrom for instance had this Irish twang to her English having spent a year there as an exchange student! And the twang only got more pronounced when she met an Irishman!!!

Now my flatmates (and countless other people I have met over the years) have said when I speak English, its with an American accent. Emanuel Gavert in Sweden insisted I had a British accent. And others found it hard figuring out where I was from just from my English. All these people were however united in saying that my English was better than what they expected.

Small Wonder.

Nigeria was a British colony and English is the official language of the country. It is the language of parliament, the judiciary and the language of instruction in schools. From Kindergarten to University. With over 19 distinct native language groups in Nigeria, you can usually tell which part of Nigeria most members of my parent's generation come from due to their accents when they speak English. For their generation, English is a second language and the native language comes first. They think in the native language even if they are very articulate in the sometimes heavily accented English.

You can tell where many members of MY generation come from in Nigeria when they speak English too. However there is a growing concern for kids under 15. They have been exposed in many and more innovative ways to Western culture and icons. Particularly icons of the American brand. Rap music, hip-hop artists and sports personalities from the US are a big deal in Nigeria especially for kids who grow up in cosmopolitan urban centers. These kids speak flawless English with narry a hint of an accent (if any it would be American) and they DO NOT speak their native tongue! Parents actively support this by not speaking the native language to the kids at home and for some it is actually a source of pride!

Wise people have called for a discouragement to this trend and I agree. Nigerian Society loses touch with an integral part of its make-up when its kids shun the native languages and embrace English as the sole medium with which to communicate. The countless Indians I have met in my travels can argue points of law, strategy, science and philosophy in very articulate but heavily accented English. It is very heartwarming to see Hindi (or Gujarati, Kanada, Marathi, Tamil, Punjabi etc) being spoken when there are more than 2 Indians in a group.

My flatmates who say I speak flawless English are always astounded when I call home (or friends from Nigeria call me) and my accent, pronunciation and grammar changes! They struggle to understand me even though they are pretty sure I am still speaking English. Although I think in English more these days, when I am back home in Nigeria and surrounded by Yoruba speakers, I find that I can usually think in both languages.

One of the enduring memories of my time in Sweden was watching the finals of the Swedish Eurovision contest with my dear Maria. There was this comedian who was doing a mimic of the different Swedish accents from around the country. They all sounded the same to me but Maria was cracking up the entire time!!!

So what about you? What language do you think in? Do you speak English with an accent? Or do you speak your first language with a hint of an accent depending on which part of the country you come from?

Now THAT is what I call a Network...

I just had the coolest phone conversation.

Its 3am in the morning here in New Zealand and I just got off the phone with Kartik who used to be President of AIESEC in India.

The fact that our conversation even took place at all should be made a case-study and researched by some fancy think-tank who wants to examine the phenomenom called the "Global Village".

So there I am, chatting with various friends in the northern hemisphere on MSN. Kreta Shah a cute Indian girl who works for AIESEC in Denmark (and worked for AIESEC in Estonia last year) buzzed me and told me Kartik wanted to speak to me. Kartik added me on MSN and asked if it would be okay for him to give me a call. "Of course by all means" I replied, a little bit intrigued.

As it turns out, Kartik is in Mauritius (a tiny island off the coast of Africa, near Madagasar) working on a project for Inbev the huge global brewery. His next project will be in the "Heart of Africa" my dear country Nigeria! And he was wondering where he could get first-hand info about Nigeria, apart from the slanted and biased reports and accounts in Lonely Planet and on the BBC or CNN. So he turned to the Nigerian he knew who happens to be in New Zealand!!! How cool is all this? Or am I getting all tripped about this for nothing?!

I met Kartik (who is Indian by the way) in Switzerland at AIESEC's International Congress 2001 when he was still an LCP (I think) and then again at IC 2004 in Germany. He was national President then and there was a certain individual on his team who was also in Germany, although i didnt speak a single word to this individual.

I certainly had a lot to say and do to this individual the following year in Sweden when we worked together for AIESEC Sverige. I am of course talking about "my very own Indian" Amit Desai! The cute Indian girl mentioned above used to be his girlfriend.

If you are reading this and you have an international network of friends... know that you have something potentially powerful enough to make a key difference in how your life is shaped. And if you dont have one... well... I dont know what can be done... Get one I guess (an intl network I mean)

Whole Milk Powder or Milk Fat?!

My Cosy little corner on the Fonterra Customer Service Floor, Level 1, 9 Princes Street Central Business District Auckland.

Its a Friday evening and I had the Friday weelies! You know... when everything that can go wrong does, at 10 mins to 5pm!!!

I have had to look for an errant container of Whole Milk Powder originally scehduled to go to Syria but stuck on a vessel to Saudi Arabia to a customer who wanted Anhydrous Milk Fat! At a point... I threw up my hands and wondered aloud if we shouldnt just leave it on the boat and hope the customer doesnt notice the difference. Haha

I hope all y'all just waking up on the Northern hemisphere have a better one than i did.

Before You Leap...

"What Doesnt Kill You Only Makes You Stronger... as it exponentially increases your Insurance Premium"

I stumbled across the above quote in this gem of a book written by Kermit the Frog. It was credited to Gonzo. It kind of gives you an idea of what the book is about... Kermit attempts to give us good common sense ideas with a comedic twist and the warm humour he has been known for in the last 52 years.

I havent read the book myself but I certainly intend to go and buy it ASAP. Please find below an excerpt from the book. Courtesy of the ABC News website:

Hi ho! Kermit the Frog here! As you've probably guessed from the cover, the title, and all of these words, this is a book. Actually, it's two books. First, it's a book about my life. Second, it's a book about your life. Let me explain.

The first part of the book — the part about my life — tells the story of how I got here, from growing up in the swamp through my long career in Hollywood. (Call it an autobiography, if you must. The truth is we frogs have a real problem with any kind of autos, which is why street crossing is so stressful for your average amphibian.)

I've had a pretty extraordinary life so far. I've met kings, queens, presidents and pigs. I've worked with some of the greatest talents of all time — from Bob Hope and Rudolph Nureyev to Quentin Tarantino and Robert DeNiro. I've made movies, TV shows, music, and the occasional tabloid headline ("Frog & Hog: The Photos You Really Didn't Want To See!"). And through it all, I've been surrounded by some of the finest friends and fans a frog could ever want. This is my chance to tell that story.

It's also an opportunity to answer a lot of questions: How did a tadpole like me, born one of 2,353 brothers and sisters, make his way from the obscure snake-infested swamps of his youth to the, uh, snake-infested swamps of Hollywood? Who helped me, who influenced me, and what did I learn along the way?

Most of all, it's a chance to set the record straight. Let's face it, a lot has been said about my life over the years, most of it by Miss Piggy and her publicist. Here, at long last, I get my say.

The other part to this book — the part about you — is even more important. Y'see, I didn't want to write just another kiss-the-frog-and-tell celebrity book Hollywood can turn into a movie of the week starring someone who looks nothing like me but tests really well with 14- to 39-year-olds. I wanted to write a book that can actually make a difference in your life; a book that can help you rise above the muck and mire of your own personal swamp and reach for rainbows.

I want to fill you with hope and encourage you to dream. A good friend of mine, Jim Henson, captured this spirit perfectly when he said:
"I believe that we form our own lives, that we create our own reality and that everything works out for the best. I know I drive some people crazy with what seems to be ridiculous optimism, but it has always worked for me."

If this book can drive you — and those around you — crazy with ridiculous optimism, then it has done its job. Who knows, maybe by reading these lessons from my life, you'll be inspired to drop your tail, leave your swamp, and set out on a journey that's just as amazing and wonderful as mine.
Amphibiously yours,
Kermit the Frog

The very idea that Kermit the Frog could be writing a book, just touches that part of me that will never grow up. And it touches it in a way that my grown-up(?) psyche can actually relate it!

So go and get it... I certainly intend to.

"My Girlfriend's Diary"

~"I looked at the latest entry in my girlfriend's diary and read the following..."

I think my relationship is hitting the rocks.

It all started yesterday when my boyfriend became really moody and wouldnt talk to me. I asked him what was wrong and he just shrugged his shoulders and muttered "nothing'.

I wondered if he might still be mad at me over the arguement we had last week about the dishes? It was a minor arguement that really spiralled out of control. He was moody the whole day yesterday and I decided that if he hadnt snapped out of it by this morning, I would have to do something really drastic! Meanwhile, we made love last night and it seemed to be lacking that special something. Although I had 2 orgasms, his mind didnt seem to be there.

So this morning, I asked him if he wanted to go shopping and again that non-commital shrug while he muttered, "anything you want dear". He hates shopping!!! I took him on a whirlwind shopping spree downtown and bought a whole load of stuff and get this... I checked it all to HIS credit card and he didnt even blink an eyelid!!!

I then took him to this nice fancy restaurant where we had our first date AND our first kiss and I tried to get him to talk to me and tell me what was wrong. But he seemed distracted and kept insisting that there was nothing the matter.

By this time I was getting desperate. I had bought this nice silk negligee during our shopping spree and when we got home, I rushed into the bathroom, slipped into the negligee, put on the perfume he got for me at Christmas and got him into the bedroom where I managed to seduce him. The sex was really awesome this time but I just felt like something was still missing. When I tried to cuddle with him afterwards, he just fell asleep!!!

I am sitting up in bed now listening to him snore and I just know that there is something wrong. But why wont he talk to me about it????

My entry in my diary for the corresponding period was as follows:

"My Football team Chelsea, lost to Liverpool yesterday. But at least I had GREAT sex two nights in a row."~

PS
Above ancedote shows that Men really are from Mars and Women from Venus.
Chelsea DID lose to Liverpool but I dont have the slightest chance in hell of 'getting it' two nights in a row. At least not just yet!

A test of Optimism...

Last week was one of the most terrible I have ever had in a long long while...

I was sick with food poisoning after eating some old tuna fish in the fridge...

I consequently couldnt go to work for four days and was at home. Couldnt sleep, couldnt eat, very misreable...

On Friday, I started getting symptoms like the ones I had the day I had the Pulmonary Embolism, went to hospital and ended up staying at the doctor's pleasure for two nights. Came home on Sunday. Luckily, there was nothing wrong. (not more than usual) Just a slight cold that brought on asthma like symptoms. SO now I have to carry an inhaler around. Gosh! Am I slowly breaking down?

But on the plus side...

I found out how appreciated I am at work. My manager told me just how much but more on this later...
I am back to work and feel energised and healthier than I have in a long while.

But I have to admit, the previous week sorely tested my claim of incurable optimist! I am just glad to say I passed with flying colors!

The picture above is me with 2 of my teammates from my MC term in Nigeria. (the girl in the picture is some random member who was besotted with Isaac my MCP)
Dont ask me why i have it here. It seemed like a nice picture to go with the post.

An Irish Blessing (Or Two)

Two Thousand and Six...I got to say goodbye to you (and not vice versa!)
Two Thousand and Seven! I say welcome.

To all my friends, family and loved ones I pass on to you an Irish blessing I received from my friend Echemole in London...

May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back,
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields and,
Until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand

And just because it IS the second day of the year already in New Zealand... here's a second one as well...

May your joys be as bright as the morning,
And your sorrows merely be shadows that fade,
In the sunlight of love.
May you have enough
happiness to keep you sweet.
Enough trials to keep you strong.
Enough sorrows to keep you human.
Enough hope to keep you happy.
Enough failure to keep you humble.
Enough success to keep you eager.
Enough friends to give you comfort.
Enough faith and courage in yourself to banish sadness.
Enough wealth to meet your needs.
And one thing more: enough
determination to make each day a more wonderful day
than the day before

Handel's MESSIAH

"Handel is the greatest composer

who ever lived.

I would bare my head

and kneel at his grave"

-- L.v. Beethoven (1824)

In some Christian theology that I have read... Satan (the Devil) was an Arch-angel in heaven, and not just any old Arch-angel but THE Arch-angel! He was known as Lucifer Morningstar and was in charge of music in heaven. As the angel in charge of praise to the Almighty God, he commanded the Cherubs and Seraphs and all the other hosts of heaven in daily praise and worship to God Almighty.

His rank was above that of Michael, Arch-angel of war; Gabriel, Seraphiel and all the other angels. He was the top dog! Which is probably why according to these texts, he let it all get to his head and was cast out for the sin of Pride.

My point is that music was/is recognized as a powerful...very powerful tool and medium for spiritual experiences. Up to the degree that the choir master in heaven was considered the most powerful being after the Supreme Deity Himself. When I used to attend church regularly in Nigeria, the praise and worship session was always the best part for me.

I was caught up in the magic of music in a really special way when I attended the Auckland Choral performance of Handel's MESSIAH on Monday December 18.

What an experience.

4 lead singers (Soprano; Soprano-Mezzo; Bass and; Tenor)

24-member orchestra playing 2 types of violin, viola, cello, bass, oboe, Basson, Trumpet, and a Timpani

1 Piano organ concernist

130 strong choir (46 Sopranos; 20 Tenors; 48 Altos and; 26 bass)

And of course proceedings were directed by the slightly balding rake-thin conductor!

One thing that struck me is that performing and producing such music as those singers and orchestra did requires intense concentration and they are under a lot of pressure to deliver.

The Auckland town hall where the performance took place looks like a majestic old church with a huge stage that sloped up and was set with seats where the 130-strong choir sat. The orchestra sat in a sort of 'pit' right below the choir seats, still on the stage while the conductor had his piano nearest the edge of the stage. The orchestra were arrayed in a loose semi-circle round him.

All four lead singers sat on chairs on stage and took turns to sing different parts of the composition. And when they were not singing, sat down in their chairs. The Soprano was this beautiful young lady and when she was not singing... had this intense look of concentration on her face, listening to the other lead singers or the choir. Ditto for the other leads as well.

But when they got up and started to sing... a startling change came over their faces as they sang. Most members of the audience had rapturous looks on their faces all through but the look of... ecstasy on the Sopranos face as she sang... My God!

If you havent heard Handel's MESSIAH in its entirety... I suggest you do. It captures the essence of what Christmas (and Christianity) is. The birth of a saviour for the redemption of the world. It doesnt matter what your particular beliefs are. Soak your soul into the music and let it take you on paths hirtherto unknown.