Tell Someone Your Story

I have some amazing stories to tell.

Considering my history and background, as well as varied experiences I’ve had whilst living in 4 different countries on 3 different continents, I have racked up some impressive yarns.

Add to this the fact that I consider myself a very good story-teller (both verbally and writing) then this one makes a whole lot of sense.

The problem however is that some stories cannot be easily shared with just anyone. You find individuals on Facebook for instance who share intimate details on Facebook and whilst this is a way of sharing information, it is not the same as having someone sit across from you and listen to your story.

Having gone through a separation has obviously been a learning experience for me in so many ways. And a lonely one. There are very few people I feel comfortable with discussing the way I really feel with. Especially among family members and even close friends. What I find is that a lot of people already have preconceived notions of what you are going to say and are more interested in telling you what they think. Without ever really listening to you.

I find that I have to project different personalities depending on who I am talking to and I oftentimes find myself telling my story in a way as not to offend. Or give someone the opportunity to blackmail me emotionally.

Rarely, do I have the opportunity to clearly and unabashedly tell my story to a person and not get judged in return. Or told what to do. Or what not to do. Just tell my story and have someone listen. I say rarely because I do have some wonderful friends (and family) who are amazing listeners and who listen to my story. And nothing else.

I look forward to my sessions with these friends because in telling my story, it releases the burden of pent-up emotions and makes you feel like the maxim, ‘a problem shared is a problem half solved’.

And not always is my story one of suffering and woe. Some genuinely amazing things have happened to me (as well as some naughty ones) and it is the same principle of being able to share these stories and not feel like you are having to defend your choices or lifestyle. You just get an appreciation of sharing your stories.

A shrink serves this purpose too. A professional with an objective outlook and no personal stake in your story. A professional listener. The 12 sessions I had with Dr Yolanda was critical in helping me crystallize my thoughts and firm up my conviction. I was able to speak through my doubts, fears and aspirations and all she did was, listen.

Some people actually prefer the anonymity of a stranger at a bar to pour out the story of their lives to. Or a helpline. I guess the point is that verbalizing an account of your story to someone no matter the form it takes is such an integral part of the human experience. It is how history and ideals and ancestral knowledge was passed from generation to generation for so long after all.

Life is a conversation. And if you’re lucky enough to find someone or some people to listen to your side of it then you are extremely lucky indeed

This post is part of the series on "How to get and keep happiness" from the Time Magazine article online here. I had written about 13 of the 20 ways to get and happiness. This is number 14. You can find the others on this blog.

We Need to Get Involved

The West Wing is an American TV series from the 1990s that follows a fictional White House Presidency. It portrays the inner-workings of Presidential Politics and takes viewers into the personal lives of these staff members as they help President Josiah (Jed) Bartlett a liberal former governor push his agenda.

The fictional President Bartlett (played by Martin Sheen) is a Professor of Economics, winner of the Noble Peace Prize, a former congressman and Governor of New Hampshire. He is in every sense of the word, an intellectual giant. The character as written by Andy Sorkin was usually the smartest person in any room he walked into.

The series focuses on the sheer scale and complexity of national (and international) politics that competes for the attention of the President. When you have a mix of domestic affairs, military matters, foreign affairs you could see how an administration could get bogged down by competing interests. Throw in the dynamic of a hostile congress including members of the President’s own party who had their own agendas to push and it looks like a task greater than any 1 man.

Jed Bartlett consequently surrounded himself with a cadre of senior staff to advise and execute his agenda.

They were lawyers. And professional political operatives. They were professional PR consultants and they were graduates of Yale, Harvard and MIT.

And they were all first rate minds. And at the top of this pyramid was his Chief of Staff Leo McGarry.

Leo was the one who originally convinced Jed Bartlett to run for President and was a former air force pilot, cabinet level secretary and he was referred to as a world class political operative. He was a political pugilist who had made plenty of enemies but was respected by both allies and enemies for his wide breadth of knowledge, strategic mind and tactical nous.

Leo was the gate-keeper to the President and he ensured that only the most relevant discussions and decisions were tabled before the President. He knew what the President’s vision was and was the chief strategist for making sure it was achieved. He was also the one who guided the President in matters where he had less experience. Guided. Not led. Areas like foreign affairs and military action. He was the one the veteran generals looked towards, to explain the nuts and bolts of military strategy to the Commander in Chief.

Leo was probably not as smart as his boss. But he knew how to get things done and had a track record of doing so. President Bartlett trusted him implicitly.

One of my favourite scenes from the series was when a new deputy communications director was appointed. A note was planted on his desk to find out his true views on a speech that the President was going to give. His opinion directly contravened what the President thought. He was later pulled into the Oval office and the President asked if there were any other thoughts on his speech.

The new appointee baulked and didn't speak up and it was revealed that he had been set up to see if he could speak the truth to power. The President only wanted people who would actively challenge him. And oh how they did! His senior staff members challenged him and argued vociferously for their sometimes directly opposing views and the President welcomed it. Because he knew it came from a place of shared vision. And from a place of trust built over a grueling campaign.

There is a decided lack of first rate minds in the present government of Nigeria.

Some three weeks ago over 200 girls were abducted from the North Eastern part of Nigeria. They were apparently abducted by the terrorist organization Boko Haram whose name loosely translates as Western Education is forbidden/a sin.

The level of ineptitude demonstrated by the people who are supposed to make decisions at the highest level in the Nigerian government has been gut-wrenching to watch.

The apparent apathy to the abduction initially has only been compounded by the total lack of a visible plan by the Nigerian authorities ever since social media has (finally) exploded the issue onto the consciousness of the world.

While much better placed individuals and writers have analysed the inaction of the current government, I would like to look at this from another angle.

Why are our best minds not attracted to politics and public policy in Nigeria?

Nigeria is blessed with not just practitioners but trail blazers in every single facet of life. From commerce, to business, the arts, medicine, science and technology. There are Nigerian born achievers wherever you look.

Except in present day politics.

The example I gave above is of a fictional American Presidency but there are several real life examples of erudite and deep thinkers committing their lives to public service. Bill Clinton is considered by friends and foes alike to be the finest political mind of his generation. One need only hear him speak to understand why. Barack Obama was an editor of the Harvard Law Review. Ed Miliband, leader of the Opposition in the UK was a policy researcher and speechwriter and graduated from the University of Oxford as well as the London School of Economics. Angela Merkel is a former research scientist with a doctorate in physical chemistry. John Key the current prime minister of New Zealand was an investment banker and had made millions before entering politics. The list goes on.

And in saying this, there have been a few exceptions in the Nigerian polity. Obafemi Awolowo. Bola Ige. The Sardauna of Sokoto. Tafewa Balewa. Nnamdi Azikwe. Our founding fathers by all accounts were titans of their age who made many mistakes but were passionate men who had the mental fortitude to navigate the times into which they had been born.

More recently, we have had individuals like Pat Utomi and Governor Fashola who have (with varying degrees of success) brought a refreshing take to the art of politics. We have technocrats like the former governor of the central bank Lamido Sanusi. And I am sure there are very many more examples.

But they are too few and far in between.

Ayo Sogunro explains here why everything in Nigeria will kill you. And he makes a powerful point about most people just not caring anymore.

The attitude of the upper middle class Nigerian to politics is one of extreme disdain and there is a universal agreement that politics as it is played in Nigeria is dirty. And it is. Just like in any other country. But while the best minds are still attracted to it in other climes, our finest minds eschew the cut-throat and rough world of politics and instead gravitate towards the private sector. Or in my case, move abroad and be condemned to watching from afar as things deteriorate.

This needs to change.

The nadir of the whole episode of the abducted girls for me, came when I watched a news segment featuring the wife of the President. Barely able to string an articulate sentence together, it wasn’t so much her lack of Queen’s English that saddened me but the obvious lack of any critical thinking that had gone into her presentation.

The wife of the fictional President in the West Wing was a heart surgeon who had her own agenda and engaged her husband in issues that were dear to her heart. Issues like child welfare, health and women’s issues. And if we want to discount this as fiction, one need only look at the presumptive nominee of the Democratic Party for the 2016 elections who was once the spouse of a President.

And if it is argued that the wife of the President should (rightly) hold no policy authority, then the performance of Ebele Goodluck Jonathan himself in a Presidential media chat showed that not only did he lack even the false emotion his wife had shown on national TV he was very poorly prepared by his aides on the nuances to strike in his tone and manner indeed the seriousness of the situation.

The best leaders surround themselves with people smarter than themselves.

Public Policy encompasses a wide breadth of society and affects everything from personal choices to private enterprise to how a society retools and equips itself to tackle the challenges of the day. It is too bloody important to leave to incompetents. Nigerian politicians right now devote time and resources to winning power. With no clear idea of what to do with it once they get it. The level of debate in politics is restricted to zoning agreements and on whose ‘turn’ it is to gain political office.

We need to figure out a way to transform the perception of politics. I am not naïve to think that a knowledge of grassroots mobilisation, backroom deals and yes even money will not continue to be a feature of politics. But my point is that we need more first rate minds willing and able to jump into the fray. We cannot continue to leave it to miscreants. And thugs. And people bereft of any kind of vision or plan.

We need to get involved.

We need to get people to see public office not as a means to riches but as what it truly should be. A call to serve something greater than yourself. Where you give your maximum output and then leave to give the next generation a chance as well. And we don’t all have to be in executive positions. But we need more policy analysts, technocrats and people directly advising those in the executive positions. We need the critical thinking of those one step below those in executive power to be world class. And we need it to reach a critical mass across state local and federal level.

We need to raise the level of political discourse in Nigeria to what power will be used for rather than to who wields power.

We need to get involved.

We need to get off Facebook and twitter and bring the discourse to forums that matter. We need to stop pontificating and posting pictures of ourselves with hashtags and think we are making a real difference.

The focus will fade. The camera men will move to other assignments. Op-Ed writers will no longer devote column space to it. Those that matter in Nigeria NEED to use this as a springboard for a wider conversation. And we need to start being the people that matter.

We need to get involved. 

Movie Review: Half of a Yellow Sun

I have always wanted to time travel.

The past has always been fascinating to me and I have often dreamed of going back in time to meet great historical figures like Winston Churchill or Gandhi. I imagined what I would say to them and what sort of questions I would ask. Even more fascinating to me is imagining meeting the younger selves of people I know right now. Like my Dad. What I would do to meet my dad as a 20 year old whilst I am in my 30’s. And whilst Michael J. Fox did exactly this in the classic Back to the Future movies, I have to say I kind of felt transported back in time at the media screening event of the screen adaptation of the book, ‘Half of a Yellow Sun’ by the erudite Chiamamanda Adichie

The invitation had come 2 weeks before and I actually went out and borrowed the book planning to read it before I watched the movie. But then I never actually got round to reading it. Which was a shame because screen adaptations are usually constrained by having to fit rich flowing narratives into 2 hours of on-screen story-telling. Screen adaptations take huge creative licenses and it’s always hit and miss, especially with fans of the books who build diverse and different (but no less valid) landscapes in their mind’s eye. It’s inevitable that some fans are left bitterly disappointed with the execution of their favourite story on the movie medium.

I would not be hampered by this and had to take the story at face value. Which is what a lot of people seeing this movie are going to do anyway. My review includes minor spoilers so be warned.

Back to time travel.

The movie opens with actual news reports doubtless gotten from the archives, of the visit of Queen Elizabeth II to Lagos in celebration of the independence of the Nigerian state from its colonial masters the British in 1960. The 60’s were swinging in so many ways and more so for the young Nigerian nation. The opening black and white montage made me wish I could time-travel to the streets of Lagos with its colonial style buildings, funny looking cars and even funnier fashion. The montage segues perfectly into the homes of the 2 young sisters of a prominent and successful business man. The opening scenes manages to capture the upper middle class lifestyle of a newly emerging nation who had the world at its feet and hope in its heart. From the butler-attended dinner hosting the Finance minister to the independence party the twin girls later attend, that sense of privilege, education and snobbery is perfectly captured.

Thandie Newton plays the female lead, Olanna and one half of the twins whilst Anika Noni Rose plays Kainene. Their British and American accents are accounted for early on when it is revealed they are Yale and Oxford graduates. Ms Newton attempts to affect an Ibo accent and I immediately wished she would stop. To my Nigerian ear, it felt forced, not at all correct and a little bit phony. But I guess to non-native speakers, it might seem to be a plausible attempt. But Leonardo Di Caprio as a South African diamond smuggler in Blood Diamond, she was NOT.

Noni never made a stab at sounding like a Nigerian born and raised girl, keeping her Oxford trained British accent for the entire length of the film. What these two actresses did well however was capture the essence of that bourgeoisie class that permeates a country like Nigeria and sits on one side of a wide gulf between the haves and have nots.

This bourgeoisie theme runs through the entire film and is demonstrated as well in the University surroundings depicted in the movie. Here Odenigbo played by the supremely talented Chiwetel Ejiofor entertains his friends in his university quarters and they debate Marx and the effects of tribalism on economic development of the fledging country. Odenigbo has a ‘house help’ Ugwu who is a teenage boy from the ‘village’ and who acts sort of like a major-domo to Odenigbo. Their interactions were some of the highlights of the movie for me and I would have liked to see a bit more character development for Ugwu. The movie hints at how easily the two strata of society interact but are separated by the aforementioned gulf in social class.

A word on Chiwetel Ejiofor. I have now seen him in Kinky boots, where he plays a London drag queen who saves a shoe factory; in Inside Man as an American detective alongside Denzel Washington in the American crime thriller; and now as the lead role in this movie. He proves once again his considerable talent and a very strong connection to his Nigerian roots. His depiction of Odenigbo is nuanced and shows the quite seemingly diverse (but not mutually exclusive) character traits of an African man who is probably the first graduate in his family and not just a graduate but a doctorate degree holder. He is brilliant, passionate about national politics and well read. He drinks brandy and smokes stylish cigarettes and is quite ready to blame another person for his own inadequacies and irresponsibility. Mr Ejiofor’s performance has convinced me to finally go and see the movie: 12 Years a Slave.

The role of Odenigbo’s mother is played by the timeless Nigerian actress and musician Onyeka Onwenu. “Mama” is an illiterate busy-body who knows beyond a shadow of a doubt what is best for her son. She embarrasses her son’s live in lover in the person of Thandie Newton and calls her a witch before raising a ruckus with the neighbours. And whilst at times, she seemed a little bit of comic relief and a caricature, I whispered to my seat partner that her over the top pronouncements and aggressive actions were typical of mothers in Nigeria. Literate or Illiterate.

Her manipulations in Odenigbo’s life leads to him being unfaithful to Olanna and fathering a child with the ‘cousin’ from the village who accompanies his mother on her visits to Nsukka. He freely confesses his lapse to Olanna and tries to organize an abortion but his mother is having none of it and when the child is born and revealed to be a girl, Odenigbo’s mother abandons the baby with him and Olanna takes in the child and raises her as her own. Reconciliation is to be had between the two women a few years after and it is touching to see Odenigbo’s mother ask Olanna to marry her son.

This is essentially a love story set against the backdrop of the Nigerian civil war and the maxim that all war is a crime is shown when after fleeing the University town Nsukka for Odenigbo’s home town in Aba and then again to another smaller village, Odenigbo’s and Olanna’s wedding reception is bombed out by advancing Federal forces determined to stop the breakaway nation of Biafra from seceding from Nigeria. The Nigerian civil war was a 30 month conflict that killed millions (mostly through starvation) and still reverberates down in the Nigerian polity today.

The politics of the time are however incidental to our story and only serve as a backdrop for the interactions between the twins and their lovers. One is the afore-mentioned Odenigbo, a fiery young intellectual and the other an Englishman Richard who falls in love with the erudite Kainene. Richard’s horror and distress at the airport when the counter-coup of 1966 sees armed military personnel enter an airport and slaughter people of a certain ethnic group is reminiscent of the scenes from the movie Hotel Rwanda. Africa has had its fair share of genocides and outsiders with no understanding of the underlying context would stare in horror at otherwise benign groups of people committing atrocities in a manner as to suggest mass psychosis.

SO when you watch this movie – and I would strongly recommend it – do not expect to be fully informed on the complexities of the Nigerian political situation. But you will be convinced of the horror of war and how it tears families and the fabric of society apart. It is nice to see so many local talent in the film and the director acquits himself very well with the pacing of the movie and telling the story. The ending was a bit ambiguous but I understand this is how the original book was set. I am not sure how much oversight the author had over the screenplay but she should be happy at this version of her wartime love story.

The Art of Rugby

I met a lot Nigerians living in London during my time there and I was always struck at how they seemed to be walking advertisements for the non-integration of immigrant communities.

Some of them had lived in the United Kingdom for years and had never been to see a West End play. Or hardly glanced up at the Tower of London when driving past. Or been to Baker street to imagine Conan Doyle's greatest character striding along to his residence. Or residents of Edinburgh who have never been to a comedy festival.

Or the ultimate sin, never been to watch a live football game.

Ok there are a lot of native Londoners who have never done any of these things either but the point is that when you live in the 10th most liveable city in the world, (and here I am back to myself now) there are some things you shouldn't take for granted.

Like Rugby.

Anyone who knows me even slightly knows I am a football buff. I watch, I follow and now I even play. Which is why living in NZ isnt exactly nirvana. How do I put this delicately...well... NZ is completely Rugby mad. It is the number one sport in the country and is played at all levels by various people of different ages.

The ultimate pinnacle of playing Rugby in NZ is to one day pull on a black jersy and play for the eponymously named NZ rugby team, the All Blacks. Rated as one of the top three teams (if not the top) in the world at any time, NZ is considered to have a proud history of rugby playing teams.

And of having won only one world cup trophy. The inagural edition hosted by NZ in 1987. Despite dominating the rankings in between the show piece events since then, NZ has acquired the tag of 'chokers'. They seem unable to win the World Cup despite going into every single tournament as "favorites".

But anyway, come September 9, the world (such as it is) will be coming to NZ as New Zealand hosts the Rugby World Cup. South Africa, Australia, England, France are the established heavy weights. But countries like Italy, Argentina, Scotland, Tonga, Samoa and Canada will be aiming to cause upsets.

So considering the fact that a major sporting tournament is coming to New Zealand, isn't it pitiful that I dont even know the rules of the game? Well... I know how points are scored and what the overall objective of the game is (to win), I still find myself turning to my workmates asking why the referee is pointing in the opposite direction the ball is kicked.

So my task over the next month, apart from getting into the spirit of the RWC is to learn the rules and nitty gritty of the game of rugby. By the time the All Blacks captain Richie McCaw hoists the cup on the final day, I want to be able to explain the game to all my northern hemisphere friends who dont care that Sonny Bill Williams will probably leave New Zealand next year.

PS
First post in ten months. What a loser!

Instructions: Copy this into your NOTES. Bold those books you've read in their entirety, italicize the ones you started but didn't finish or read an excerpt. Tag other book nerds. Tag me as well so I can see your responses! You can also underline if it was so long ago you can't say for sure, LOL!

I Ladi Ajayi have read only 32! Not even half!!! Well...gives me a target before I turn 35.

1. Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austen
2. The Lord of the Rings – JRR Tolkien
3. Jane Eyre – Charlotte Bronte
4. Harry Potter series – JK Rowling
5. To Kill a Mockingbird – Harper Lee
6. The Bible
7. Wuthering Heights
8 1984– George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials – Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations – Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa May Alcott
12 Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 – Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca – Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit – JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong – Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye – JD Salinger
19 The Time Travellers Wife – Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch – George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind – Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House – Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace – Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited – Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment – Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath – John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland – Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows – Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina –Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield – Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia – CS Lewis
34 Emma – Jane Austen
35 Persuasion – Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe – CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner – Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin – Louis De Berniere
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Willaim Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh – AA Milne
41 Animal Farm – George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabrial Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney – John Irving
45 The Woman in White – Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables – LM Montgomery
47 Far from the Madding Crowd _ Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaids Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies – William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan51 Life of Pi - Yann Martell
52 Dune – Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility – Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy – Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind – Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities – Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time – Mark Haddon
60 Love in the time of Cholera - Gabriel garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men – John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo – Alexandre Dumas
66 On the Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure – Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary – Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children – Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick – Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula – Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson
74 Notes from a Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses-James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar - Sylivia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons – Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal – Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair – William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol – Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - Charles Mitchell
83 The Colour Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day – Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary – Gustave Flaubert (en francais)
86 A Fine Balance – Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte's Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven – Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes – Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness – Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine de Saint Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces – John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice – Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet – William Shakespeare
99 Charlie & the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables – Victor Hugo

Day 4 - Yoga

I figured from my first crack at P90X that Yoga wasnt going to work for me. I kept falling over. So in the absence of a professional yoga instructor keeping me from tipping over, I will be doing the stretch routine in place of yoga.

But today, since I missed Shoulders and Arms from yesterday as I was down with the flu (manflu as Anahi insists it is) I dragged my coughing, sniffing self to the gym at 7pm and ran through that Shoulders and Arms! For the record, this is my favorite routine for the first three weeks. I keep coming close to hurling my protein shake when I do Chest and Back, feel a little bit like a sissy in Legs and Back and almost pass out with Plyometrics.

But Shoulders and Arms is the glamour workout. You do it and pretty girls walk up to you asking for tips on how to tone their arms. Guys steal sideways glances at you and inevitably compare their puny arrms to my shining sweaty guns! (ahem..)

But seriously, I am just glad and stoked I was able to do this. Loading Legs and Back on to my iPhone now so I can do it tomorrow Friday and I am back in line with the program.

Spent the day drinking lots of tea and honey and had to look after the tiger cub who was still persona-non grata at the day care. Took him to the GP in afternoon and she said he seemed fine to go back tomorrow. Sweet.

Had a phone interview today that seemed to go well. Will know tomorrow or early next week. Melbourne anyone?

Day 1

Day 1 started out a bit on the downside. Chelsea lost to Liverpool 2 goals to nil. Damn Torres to find form against us. Plus side is we ARE still top of the table and the Goners lost at home to Newcastle!

Tiger cub cut his first tooth last week. Me suspects it was why he was a bit down in the pits over the weekend. Might be a couple more teeth on the way. At 9 months, he is a bit late but they say the later the stronger! Tops called while I was in the middle of Round two at the gym that he' s got conjuctivitis. Means he wiped some snot into his eyes (wasnt me! Honest!) have to get home and decide who stays home with him tomorrow. Daycare wont take him with the conjuctivitis.

Suspected I might be getting a sore throat before hitting the gym but kept my focus and paced myself really well with the Chest and Back. Got nauseous slightly more than halfway through but sucked it up, drank some water and completed it. Could have been more intense but I think I will take good form with a successful completion rate than hard out, wuss out and demotivate myself. Consistency is key!

I also surprised myself with actual pull-ups! how cool is that? I have a good feeling about this.

I still need to figure out how to incorporate some running into all this. Day 91 is in early Feb but need to start on a 16 week running program from Jan 24 for the Half-Marathon in May. I figure I better start getting some endurance runs into the kitty from now.

Ah well... Day 1 ending with a 2 hour study for a Quantitative Analysis test I have tomorrow! 25% of total paper. Jeepers!

What Do Nigerians Really Want?

In a previous article, I made a wish-list of the qualities I wanted to see in the next Nigerian President. I posted the article on my facebook page and I got quite a number of comments on it. Comments that ranged from sheer derision and disbelief that any one individual could possess such attributes to more thoughtful comments by individuals who indicated they might start assessing potential presidential aspirants based on a more rigorous set of expectations.

One comment however that caught my attention in particular was one that questioned if Nigerians were indeed ready for such a leader. It is an old saying that a people will get the leader they deserve. If a people have absolutely no interest in the process that produces the leader of the nation and a thief and charlatan is voted in, one could argue that is the kind of leader the people deserve. If however, people take the time to understand what each candidate is offering, compares and weighs all the options, goes out to vote and then ensures that their votes are counted… well... you get the idea.

But this above scenario is an advanced stage of a process. Before we can assess what each aspirant at local, state and national level is offering, Nigerians need to define and clarify a few fundamental issues about what they really want. It is when one knows what one really wants that one is better equipped to identify who will best provide this to you and exactly how they intend to do this. I will give an illustration.

American politics can be very partisan and broad lines are drawn between Republicans and Democrats. With decades of political rivalry between them some of the lines have deepened into chasms that stretch and divide opinion on social, economic and political issues. Do we allow private citizens to bear arms? Do we want to allow gay couples to get married? Should abortions be legal and available for free? Do we want to increase taxes and provide more funds to programs such as Medicaid? Or reduce taxes and let market forces determine who gets the best type of health care insurance? How much interference do we want the government to have in our affairs? Is Lady gaga truly reflective of how we want to be portrayed in the world?

Depending on how you answer the above questions usually determines which part of the political spectrum you will be buttonholed in. Polls indicate that a lot Americans consider themselves centre of the spectrum (Independents) lurching a little to the right or left on specific issues.

Underlining this whole process is a common theme. Despite the sometimes bitter debates and hot air blown about by Republicans, Democrats and Independents alike, Americans are united in the pursuit of a common goal. They call it, ‘The American Dream’. This is more than just a single goal or objective. It is rather more a philosophy and way of life. It is the belief that no matter where you come from or what god you believe in, if you work really hard and take your opportunities you WILL build a better life for yourself and your family. If you plan properly and make a few sacrifices, your children will go to a better school than you did and attain one higher level of educational achievement, thereby getting a better job than you did. If you display exceptional talent in an area of life, that talent is nurtured and built upon and celebrated when it reaches its full potential.

Of course the above is a gross simplification and there will be any number of groups who complain that the American dream has passed them by. Or that some segments of society have hijacked the dream and don’t want to let it go. But the fact is that the American dream remains the goal and the how to achieve the goal is what dominates political discourse.

I believe political discourse in Nigeria is severely limited to how to acquire political power. The attainment of political office is an end in itself and not a means to an end. Politicians in Nigeria spend lots of money, energy and manpower to gain political power and then once they have it, have absolutely no idea what to do with it. In countries with a bit more maturity in its political theatre, the election to office of a group of politicians is a sanscrosant contract between the government and the people. The people say, ‘this is what we want to do with our lives. We want to work hard, send our children to good schools and watch a good football game at the weekend’. Do not interfere with where I go to worship on Sundays, provide me with the roads to get to work, affordable schools for my children and deal with those noisy neighbouring countries on our behalf’. The government in turn says, ‘No problem, it will cost you this much to build those roads, maintain those schools and ensure that the banks are able to give you a good loan for that business you want to start’.

Once the government in power forgets or refuses to listen to the demands of the people, they are quietly (sometimes loudly) told to pack their bags at the next election and let someone who will listen to them take over. And sometimes, the people just tire of the same group and say, ‘Give the other chaps a chance’.

I sincerely believe the lack of a common goal/dream/objective for Nigerians is a severe limitation in how we choose our leaders. If we don’t know where we want to get to, how do we know the type of person to lead us there? Nigeria like the rest of Africa suffers from the legacy of the colonial masters who drew arbitrary lines across the continent and mashed up diverse nations into contraptions that served their economic interests at the time. This however fails to become a valid argument in the task of nation-building. The USA as an example again is made up of a potpourri of nations and peoples. Diversity is celebrated and woven into the unique fabric that is the American dream. Do you want to work hard, buy a house in suburbia and drive an SUV? Call yourself African-American, Italian-American, Irish-American or Mexican-American you are and will always be an American.

I have lived with Igbos, Hausas, Ebiras and Tivs. In the day-to-day grind of everyday life our aspirations were remarkably the same. We wanted to succeed at whatever it is we did. We wanted to gain a university qualification and get a really good job that would enable us to splash out on a big society wedding and move into a fully furnished house, furnishings that didn’t include a generator because the power supply was constant, reliable and affordable. We wanted to take holidays to the UK and enjoy the beaches of Cornwall and the Edinburgh comedy festival but be eager to return and still catch the Star-Mega Jamz at the Bar Beach and attend the Night of a thousand laughs in Muson Centre. We wanted to be able to drive to the Muson Centre in VI and return back to the mainland without having to avoid the Ikoyi link bridge because of the fear of a thrown tyre rim. We wanted to have kids safely in hospital and be secure in the fact that the teaching hospital was up to any complications or conditions in our health.

This isn’t too much to ask is it?

But time and time again, the political elite exacerbate divisions of ethnicity and religion in a bid to acquire power. It would probably be more satisfying if a section of the country was a nirvana because a son of the soil had acquired power and accelerated development in that region. But this is not the case. Power is acquired and used for self enrichment. Mansions are built with high fences around them while the gutters right outside the gate contain the dregs of society hoping for a handout and the mansion owner dares not go out freely in the fear that he will be targeted by the victims of his corrupt practices. Or he goes out in a protective security bubble, ignoring the world around him.

I just wonder about one thing. The different ethnic groups I lived with were in cosmopolitan Lagos and also the melting pot of the University of Ibadan. One could argue that these individuals were like me and constitute just one part of society. That of the urban middle class. An urban middle class that has been decimated true but that is a story for another day.

What about the 60% of Nigerians that live below the poverty line? Does the mechanic in Beere Oje in Ibadan share similar aspirations with the shoemaker in Langtan in Jos? Would the almarijis who cluster round the big man's house every Friday abandon a life of handouts if the opportunity to go to school or learn a trade was offered? Would the area boys in Idumota Lagos, rather set a goal of becoming master craftsmen rather than dealers of violence and thuggery?

I sincerely do not the answers to these questions. At least not yet.

What I do know beyond a shadow of doubt is that Nigerians have to define what we want. We need to identify those who are most likely to lead us to that desired state and ensure they have a chance to lead. And I choose my words very carefully. Lead us there. Moses led his people to the promised land. But the people still had to follow. They did not sit in Egypt and send Moses out to look for the land and come back with Ekenedilichukwu buses to ferry them there. They braved 40 years in the wilderness before arriving at their destination. Nigeria has added on an extra 10 years to that record. And Canaan is still not on the horizon.

So yes we are still in the wilderness. We need to start defining the things that unite us, pool our aspirations into cohesive plans and lay out road maps on how to achieve them. Only then would we be able to start fulfilling our potential and be recognized as a true giant of Africa.

The Qualities I want in the next Nigerian President

The quite excellent article by Amara Nwankpa contained an action for readers to click on a link and have their say on what attributes the next Nigerian President should have. That got me thinking on what an attribute is.

In philosophy, an attribute is an abstraction of a characteristic of an entity or substance. Or perhaps even of a being. Dictionary.com defines it as a ‘quality, character, characteristic or property’

With this mind, I have thought long and hard about what qualities I would want to see in the next Chief Executive Office of Nigeria Incorporated. These qualities would be intrinsic and be sort of a base level of attributes regardless of your ideology, political, tribal and/or ethnic affiliation.

A lot of the ideas for the attributes I want in a President below have been influenced in some measure by two things. The first are the conversations I have had with my friend Kenechukwu Umeasiegbu. A consummate intellectual and knowledge-seeker for the sake of knowledge-seeking, Kene is also one of the most single-minded and driven individuals I know.

From his days in student politics at the University of Nigeria Nsukka where he graduated with a 2-1 in Geology (hons), to when he contested for a position on the National committee of the International organizations for students AIESEC, Kene has always been driven by the force of ideas. My conversations with him are always refreshing, highly anticipated, catalysts to more thinking on my part and always over far too soon.

The second is an article by a Professor of the University of Ibadan (I forget his name right now) writing for the Comet newspapers of Nigeria. The article in question must have been published more than 10 years ago but I remember being powerfully moved by it and considered listing the attributes outlined in it back then and plotting how to acquire each and every one of those attributes. And yes… I (once) harbour(ed) dreams of becoming President of Nigeria. We are all allowed to dream.

The rest of the ideas I have put down here are a result of my travel and experiences in Europe and New Zealand; of living in societies where the rule of law reigns supreme and society has inbuilt characteristics that enable it to continually renew and improve itself. Based on these and so much more, the following, in no particular order of importance are the attributes I want in the next Nigerian President.

Ideas-driven. The next Commander-in-chief of the Armed Forces of Nigeria must have ideas; Ideas that drive him towards a vision. A vision that he has put a lot of thought into and that he believes in. A belief and commitment to his vision is of course vital. It should be a vision that he has articulated and laid bare for the whole world to see. He will have ideas flying out from his head and these ideas will be the drivers to his vision. A widely-read individual, he will devour information and have a pulse on global trends and an active involvement in local ones. He will know the value of an education (either formal or informal) and be comfortable in the presence of members of the intelligentsia.

The president must be a sweet talker. Charismatic to the point of being a cult-personality, the President must be able to pull attention to himself and using this quality force disparate groups of people, interests and motivations to listen to and buy into his vision. The force of his ideas and vision (mixed in with his personal charisma) will stay with people long after they are no longer in his presence and engender a loyalty not to his person but to the ideas he proposes. He will inspire people beyond their immediate needs and make them feel like their actions need not be for their personal gain alone but for the greater good.

He must be a ruthless bastard. The President will encounter stiff opposition from groups as equally committed to maintaining the status-quo as he will be to changing it. He will have the mental aptitude to recognize these groups quickly and will not hesitate to either under-cut their authority as to render them insignificant in the larger scheme of things or completely eliminate their resistance. He will not play to the old stereotypes of nepotism and mediocrity but will deal with allies and foes alike with a firm yet fair hand. He will be a man of his word, saying and doing exactly what he means. He will be an extremely hard worker, one who can function at high levels for most of the day and who firmly believes in the value of a good’s day work.

The CEO of Nigeria Plc. will be incorruptible. He will completely disprove the old saying of ‘Power corrupts…’ In order to do this, he will have a well grounded connection to reality with relationships that serve to remind him every single day why he does what he does. This relationship could be with his children or grandchildren or with someone who embodies the phrase, ‘future generations’. He will lead by example and have zero tolerance for members of his team or inner caucus who deviate from the path of righteousness. He will have character of spirit that transcends the physical and allows him to wield great power and yet remain aloof to the allure of misuse.

The leader of the most populous black nation on the planet will be a compassionate individual. He will have a genuine empathy for people and be sensitive to their needs. There will be times when he has to take action that results in collateral damage either politically, militarily or economically. And although his ruthless streak will allow him to take the right decision for the greater good, he will feel the consequences of his actions within his very being which will stand him in good stead for future difficult decisions. He will wear this cap of responsibility stoically and without complaint. He acknowledges that the buck stops at his table and has enough character of spirit to cope with these kinds of decisions without buckling under the pressure and be unable to take future decisions. He will have a common touch and be seen as such by the masses. In deed and word, he will be able to connect with and speak to the dreams and aspirations of a wide range of society. He will place value on hard work and have belief in a system that rewards a certain input with a commensurate output

The Commander-in-Chief will be able to spot potential from miles off. In people, situations or circumstances, the President will have the ability to recognize talent in people and use them; read a situation very quickly and react appropriately and; analyze prevailing circumstances and plan for them. He will actively seek to encourage the people around him to reach for stretch targets and in the process develop their talents and enriching their experiences. He will not be afraid or threatened by people smarter than he is but actively court them either as allies or even as political opponents. This is because he recognizes that open and constructive debate and challenges to your ideas can only make them better.

The President will be a strategic and pragmatic individual. Without compromising on his ideals or betraying his vision for the country, he will be practical enough to recognize when things will work and when they will not. He will be willing to completely change his tactical plan if it will consequently benefit his overall strategy. He will not be afraid to admit when something has not worked and he will take the learning from each failure and use it to build on his subsequent successes. He will have the mind of a chess grandmaster able to see the overall strategy but possess enough tactical nous to adjust his game plan. His ruthlessness will let him sacrifice a pawn (or two) in order that he might capture the King but his compassion will ensure he does not do this lightly and only when the alternative would lead to an even worse outcome.

A reflective nature. In the high pressure atmosphere of statehood, the President will have the ability to practice self-reflection and meta-cognition. He will have the ability and schedule the time to take a step back away from it all from time to time to evaluate and come to objective conclusions about the progress (or otherwise) being made.

The President will have a belief in and readiness to sacrifice for the greater good. Although a supremely confident individual who knows his limitations very well and his strengths even better, the president of the Federal Republic of Nigeria will have an unshakeable belief in the rule of law and the fact that no one individual or institution is above the law. He would be willing to make personal sacrifices in order to achieve the goals he has set out and when he invariably asks sacrifices of the citizenry, there will be a clear perception that it is no sacrifice he is not willing to take or has taken himself.

These then are the attributes I believe the next President and Commander-in-Chief of the Armed Forces of the Federal Republic of Nigeria should possess. For the ease of writing, I have used the pronoun ‘he’ throughout this write-up but of course these attributes are not gender-specific.

So… DO you know someone (or two) with all the qualities above? If you do, ask them if they are interested in applying for the job. If they are, they will of course then have to convince a few million voters HOW they intend to use the attributes above to do the job!

Enough is Enough!

Rhetoric is a fine thing.

When properly executed, it can inspire a whole generation. Or two. Gettysburg address, 'I have a dream...', 'Ask not what your country can do for you...' and so on and so forth. These three examples all come from the US of A.

The same US of A that the half-Kenyan dude took rhetoric to whole new levels two years ago and got himself the job of the most powerful man in the world. Jury is still out on if action is matching all that lofty rhetoric.

Which is always the problem with rhetoric of course. By its very definition according to Wikipedia, "...the art of communicating effectively... to move audiences to action with arguements". It becomes very difficult (in my opinion) to sustain that action you have moved your audiences to take. So while it might stir the heart and emotion and get otherwise warring factions to sing 'kumbaya' together, after a while rhetoric becomes inadequate to achieve real change.

Unless each rhetoric piece contains a nugget of directed action.

Stir the heart, stoke the emotion, swell the head and take this specific course of action. This is how persona cults develop around these intensely charismatic individuals and you have people commiting atrocities or showing saint-like behaviour on the say-so of a rhetoric-driven individual.

Which is why I really like the piece below. Some of you might have seen it already. If you haven't, you're in for a treat. It stokes the right embers of nationalistic fire and caresses the right parts of your ego while still containing a simple course of action for you to take to back up the rhetoric. It's brilliant.

The one thing I found annoying about it was the insertion of the mantra of said half-Kenyan above. I mean, its all very well to 'borrow' the idea but to import it wholesale without editing? Almost threw me off the patriotic horse it had put me on but didnt.

Enjoy!

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Feel free to share this on your Facebook wall, blog, website or newsletter. Copy and paste it into emails and blast it out to all your chummy paddies who you’ve been sending all those silly, annoying forwarded messages to.

By January 08, 2011, there will be approximately 35 million Nigerians between the ages of 18-35. We will embody the hopes of another generation, a generation neither touched by the civil war nor old enough to have enjoyed the brief period of prosperity that followed the oil boom.

We will represent a generation that cannot remember any cross country journey we undertook without encountering craters in the middle of the road. A generation that inherited broken down schools, discouraged teachers and a confused education system. A generation, forced to compete in a world they were not adequately prepared for.

We, 35 million of us, are an advance guard for a generation of Nigerians who grew up drinking from boreholes, streams and ponds, who lit their way at night, and in the early mornings with lanterns, candles or torches. To whom luxury meant to sleep in your own bed with the, ironically, comforting noise of a personal generator providing the assurance that your home appliances will be useful, for a little longer.

Our generation has been unfortunate to emerge in a time when the HIV/AIDS pandemic is at its peak. Gripping fatally at the lives of our contemporaries, cutting them down at their prime. To make matters worse, we have the added misfortune of being born in a place where the healthcare and social welfare systems either do not exist or are incapable of protecting us from the fate imposed by this or any other ill of its nature.

We remember the police for bribery, politicians for corruption and the public utilities for ineptitude. We will insist that we have survived so far in spite of, not because of, the contributions of these people or institutions.

For our generation, a great Nigeria is a dream or a collection of stories and doctrines handed down by our fathers, read in textbooks or chorused out in the National Anthem. It has never been our experience. We have experienced no greatness from which we can weave stories to inspire our children or grandchildren. Our memories will be of malnourishment in boarding schools; violence debauchery and strikes in University; robbery, rape and death at home and in our neighborhoods.

We have never voted in an election considered to be free, fair or credible. We have never controlled our fate.

But we can rewrite our own story.

We can respond to our challenges together, like the great Nigerians we so desperately want to be. We can shake off complacency and embrace collective action. We can become the heroes of the great stories we will tell our children.

We are doctors, lawyers, engineers, planners, musicians, actors, models, handymen, builders, cleaners and students. We are the minds that will imagine a new dawn. We are the hands that will make it happen. 35 million of us. We can tell a better story than our fathers told. Our children can inherit a greater Nigeria than we were born into.

Yes we can!

And we must!

For none of our individual brilliance, or industry will amount to anything if the collective wellbeing continues to be at peril. For even if we attain our individual dreams, our marble palaces will be surrounded by slum, and stagnant gutters. Our walls and shadows will be hounded by robbers, and hoodlums who – having been denied existence by society – will seek to prey on our success. For survival is a basic natural instinct, and when it is not guaranteed, it expresses itself in vice.

Our standing in the world will continue to plummet. We will continue to be treated as lepers - the butt of cheap jokes and scathing satire. And we will not have a better story to tell, to balance any of these.

Unless we say Enough is Enough!

So come October, 2010, just as our nation celebrates 50 year of little or nothing after independence, we will come together as the most numerous political force in its history. We will take the opportunity of this unique anniversary to start a quiet revolution that will spin this country on its head.

We will find the nearest INEC registration center, gather our friends, colleagues and family and go Register. Then we will spend the next few weeks (after registration) scrutinizing the field to Select credible candidates who speak to our issues. During the elections in January, we will come out (with our friends, colleagues and family) – in the rain, sun or sandstorm – and Vote for those whom we have selected. Beyond casting our votes, we will stand firm and together to Protect our vote. Ensuring that it counts for whom we have cast it for.

This RSVP will be the start of our quiet revolution.

For when we have shown our numbers at the polls, we can now collectively demand that our issues be addressed. We would have shown that our generation cannot be ignored. We would have started a journey to take back Nigeria from the mischievous minority that has held her hostage.

And if we succeed, we would be the ones who our children will be singing about in the 5th line of the national anthem: “…the labor of our heroes past shall never be in vain”.

So if you agree with me that “yes we can”, you must forward/share this message to 100 more people within the next 24 hrs. (LOL)

If you are interested in leading the RSVP effort in your neighborhood or vicinity, you can register here:

http://www.enoughisenoughnigeria.com/register/

If you want to find out where your INEC registration center might be, check here:

http://www.inecnigeria.org/election/find_polling_station.php (polling stations are used for registration too)

Start expressing your opinion by partaking in this poll: “What attributes would determine your choice of a President?”

http://twtpoll.com/r/z8gsg2

To learn more about the campaign focused on one of the major issues going into the 2011 elections (electricity) visit:

http://www.lightupnigeria.org/

Yours Sincerely

Amara Nwankpa

Praise Poetry

My mother in law arrived to Auckland last Tuesday.

It's been drama of shakespearean proportions to get her here a la immigration New Zealand. But the important thing is that after a 36 hour journey which included 28 hours of flying time, 3 stops and endless cups of airline tea, she arrived safe and sound to the Auckland international airport.

The tiger cub and I were on hand to welcome her at the airport and it was very moving to see her take Anjola, go down on her knees and give thanks and adoration to God Almighty. I guess the sight, sound and feel of your first grandchild on your breast will do that to a person.

A few friends I had been excitedly telling about the impending visit had asked me rather cheekily how much patience I had gone to buy from the patience bank for the visit. I didn't need to pretend how much I was looking forward to her visit. I have known couples who are always at daggers drawn with their respective in-laws but in this case, I can safely say there is a lot of mutual affection between my wife's mum and I. A bit about her:

A bustling middle-aged woman with the beautiful dark skin of the kind that glows, you can see that she lives for her children. Stylish, modern and extremely fashionable, she has a laugh and quiet intensity to her that creates a connection between her and individuals who have been a bit over-pampered by their mothers.

She also has a command of the Yoruba language that I stand in awe of.

People my age and generation, especially of the middle urban class in Nigeria while mostly bilingual, sometimes still struggle with our mother tongue. Take me for example. I speak Yoruba fluently-ish. I can read it fairly well, a bit haltingly and with only occasional mis-pronunciations and I am unable to write it with the correct inflection marks and phonetic sounds. And besides the variation of Yoruba I speak is the 'bastard' version. The marketplace Yoruba which is spoken and used by the different sub-groups.

I almost exclusively think in English as well.

No surprise there as living in New Zealand, surrounded by English speakers, working, communicating and reading (writing) in English, it becomes normal to start to think in English. Back home in Nigeria, surrounded by more people speaking Yoruba, one starts to think (as well as interchangeably speak) in both languages which is perfect for a growing tiger cub to pick up both languages.

So one of the first requests I made to my mother-in-law was for her to speak exclusively to the cub in Yoruba. She's only here for a short time but my cub is at the stage where he is actively interacting with his environment. Everything... and I mean EVERYTHING is this intensely interesting phenonenom to explore. And stick in his drooly mouth. You can almost see the synapses firing away in his brain (and being extinguished when we sit him down in front of the E! channel).

So I reckon we better make the best of my mother-in-laws presence here and get some Yoruba lessons in at this stage. I mean, you should hear my mother-in-law pray in Yoruba. It's one of those goose-pimples, shivers along the back, head swelling experiences. And its a skill Tope and I can only dream of having.

Of course, we will make every effort to continue his Yoruba education when his grandmother leaves but for the reasons above, this will not come easily or naturally to us. One thing she will leave for us however is the tiger cub's Oriki!

A cultural phenomenom among the Yoruba in South-west Nigeria, a person's oriki consists of the achievements of a prominent ancestor; the portents of achievements to come and; recording of achievments actually made.

By the above definition, an oriki is therefore a constantly fluid and updated piece of work. Usually rendered in poetry, it is sung as a sign of praise and is a favorite for grand parents especially to soothe and encourage a child.

My tiger cub has the beginnings of a solid foundation for a long and varied praise poetry...

...Olufela Anibi juwon...

...I am unable to give anymore as an oriki also doubles as your true name. And we all know how powerful those can be. If I told you anymore, I would have to kill you.

What's your own oriki?

Substance Over Style

I can be very charming when I want to be.

And I want to be almost all the time. I have always been an attention-seeker, right from childhood when my mom's friends would exclaim, "oh what a cutie" to yesterday when I made the pretty 17 year old Indian MacDonald's worker blush. (pushing the boundaries there I know)

Being a shameless attention seeker, I have discovered ways in which to attract, retain and feed on said attention. My personal style accounts for a large part of that process. Sanguine, open, friendly, dominates a room if I have to and yet can blend into the background waiting for the exact right moment to give a booming laugh and announce my presence to a hitherto unsuspecting public.

And all that affable personal style had absolutely no effect on the spreadsheet I had to work on today!

Spreadsheets are amazing tools. The vast amount of information you can package and present using a spreadsheet is nothing short of miraculous. A reporting analyst I work with swears that with the right commands, not only can you turn last year's dairy product volumes into a pretty graph, you can get Microsoft Excel to also make you a cup of coffee too...!

Four hours I spent collating, copying, pasting, cross-referencing, transferring, filtering, and proof reading this damn spreadsheet! 'Where's my bloody charm to help me get through this one now?' I muttered to myself intermittently. When I started seeing the figures and numbers start forming into battalions on their own accord and screaming lines from various Disney movies, I quickly got up and took a 15-min break.

But of course, when my manager met me at the coffee machine and asked how I was going, on went the charm switch and I smiled confidently and assured her it was all hunky-dory!

I knew a long time ago that I really didn't like detail work. Or routine work for that matter. Give me detailed routine work and expect hari-kari within a very short time! But if I have learned anything at all in this life, it is the fact that you CANNOT avoid the detail work. It usually is where the substance comes from.

Long have I admired those with flamboyant personal styles. But scratch most of them below the surface and you find very shallow individuals. When I call all that attention to myself, I don't stop people at the front door but like to invite them all the way into the vast recesses of my personal being. It galled when as an 18 year old, I was described as shallow. It is a moniker I have consciously tried to correct ever since. I mean, whats the point of inviting all that attention to yourself if there's not something for everyone to snack on?

So I have learned to love detail work... OK... love is a very strong word. But there is a certain kind of satisfaction in clicking on that send button with a well ordered spreadsheet attached complete with graphs and pivot tables and a little summary table in the corner. And when you have to give a presentation based on that spreadsheet, why right there is a lethal mix of substance and style. You kill all them doubters right dead I tell you!

I heard Warren Buffet makes a whole lot of intuitive and instinctive decisions. What they don't tell us is that he employs an army of statisticians and number crunchers who work on providing cold hard evidence on why the decision was a good one. And if there's no hard evidence forthcoming, the 'instinctive decision' is very quietly dumped and no one talks about it anymore!

Style will only take you so very far. Substance will take you much much further. And if you want to go far and have more fun doing it... then build up substance and hire me to coach you on the style!

Tales of the Tiger Cub

Have you ever lost touch with someone for years and years, not even consciously thinking of the person but upon seeing the person, instantly recall their full name and all the good times you had together?

Happened to me today.

Adaeze Achinivu. One of the funnest(sic), funniest, life-loving, big buxom ed girls I have ever had the pleasure to call friend.

And to make it even more interesting, I didn't meet her in the flesh but online. I was logged into my email when the new message ping sounded. I looked at the screen name and Ada's face jumped into my mind. I instantly recalled every single bit of skulduggery we got up to in AIESEC (where else?) but couldn't immediately recall her name "Amaka?" I thought to myself. But that didn't sound right.

She typed one more question and her full name suddenly flashed in my mind like neon lights on a popular Vegas strip joint!

Adaeze is doing very well indeed, lives in the UK now has a Masters degree I believe and works for some fancy company I didn't quite catch the name of.

But I remember her from a more innocent time of my life. When the most important thing in the world was how to get to the next AIESEC conference. I took a few road trips with Ada and she it was who introduced me to the taste of fried snail. (of the Giant African variety) on the highways of Eastern Nigeria. We didn't have a lot of money but we were also debt-free. We didn't drive fancy cars but seemed to get around much much more. We didn't plan beyond the next weekend but there was never ANY doubt about what we wanted to do and become in life.

How things have changed in the last 5-10 years.

I am 29 years old. I have been married for 2 years or almost 2 years depending on how you look at it. I have worked for the same company in the same business unit for the last 4 years. I have recently started a part time post graduate program at the University of Auckland that will earn me either an MBA or a Masters of Management in 3 years. I have a six month old son.

My Tiger cub. Born in the Chinese year of the Tiger, he constantly amazes, amuses, inspires, and motivates me.

It's a cliche I know but my life has not been the same since he came into it. I have heaps of single friends who make it clear they are in no hurry to jump into parenthood. But who wants to do this in middle-age? My tiger cub is slowly starting to show me exactly what "the energy of a toddler" really means. I am humbled at the thought that of all the prospective ones out there, he chose me to be his progenitor. His pack leader.

So these are no longer just 'my' stories. They are his. Everything I do, touches upon him. Daunting for some individuals to be laden with such a huge responsibility and some even label it a burden. I consider it a privilege.

So watch out for our stories. We have taken too much time off from sharing. Those bestsellers are NOT going to write themselves.

13 out of 20

The plan had been to write a blog post about each of the secrets of happiness stolen from the Time website, add my own unique slant and nuggets of gold to it and then wrap up with a grand finale-post celebrating how happy I was.

That was 5 months. Got through 13 out of 20 secrets. Story of my life.

Full list (with Time.com commentary) can be found here:


1. Count Your Blessings
2. Hear the Music
3. Snog. Canoodle, Get it on
4. Nurture your spirituality
5. Move Your Body
6. Laugh Big
7. Do Something Nice for someone Else
8. Make More money than Your Peers
9. Seek Positive Emotions as a Path to Success
10. Identify with your Heritage
11. Use a Happy Memory as a Guide
12. Play the Part of an Optimist
13. Try New Things
14. Tell Your Story to Someone
15. Balance Work and Home
16. Be Like the Danes: Keep Expectations Realistic
17. Make Time
18. Visualize Happiness
19. Smile
20. Marry Happy

I had been looking forward to writing on "Tell your story to someone" but ah well...

Try New Things

The story of the mid-life crisis is a well known one.

Man in his 4th decade of life, looks back and suddenly realizes he's halfway through his journey. He's a mid-level functionary in a vast evil corporate empire, he's got a beer gut the size of Texas and his once prom Queen wife walks around in a faded robe, with curlers in her hair and her 'assets' drooping south.

He gets a tattoo/haircut/stud in his ear, buys a Ferrari and trades in his wife for a much younger model.

In essence, he attempts to try out new things that seemed to come so naturally to him in his 20's but that he must now work much harder for and attempts to use these to validate his life.

Skip all that.

Everyday, every week, we should try something new. Rollerblade, Scuba Dive, play the guitar. According to Time Magazine...

"...Psychologist Rich Walker of Winston-Salem State University looked at 30,000 event memories and over 500 diaries, ranging from durations of 3 months to 4 years, and says that people who engage in a variety of experiences are more likely to retain positive emotions and minimize negative ones than people who have fewer"

And now I have the ultimate "new" experience. I am responsible for a life. Both literally and figuratively. And everyday is a new experience. First bath, first poo, first time he peed on me, first time he grabbed my finger in his hand...

...and I have the rest of my life to look forward to these new experiences.

So no you dont need to have a baby to have new experiences. But rather look for the new experiences in the every little facets of your life.

PS
Has it been that long since I blogged?

Play the Part of An Optimist

Incurable Optimist.

This would be one of my more defining characteristics. Even when I was hooked up to an echo cardiogram machine that beeped every time I so much as moved my ass, I was thinking what a great blog post/dinner story/attention grabbing gimmick it would be.

The only times I get depressed are when I am alone. As soon as I have one other person (or one hundred) to 'perform' for, all morbid thoughts and pessimism is dissolved immediately.

And there are 2 cardinal rules I follow when faced with a challenge, can i do anything about it? Yes? Then I don't worry and get on with what I can do. I cant do anything about it? Then why the hell would I worry about it if its out of my hands??

Bottom line... Don't worry about it.

Use a Happy Memory as a Guide

The earliest ever memory I have is one of being trapped and wussing out.



I have no idea how old I was but I was sufficiently young enough that I was still sleeping in a cot in my parent's room. So no more than 18 months.


I woke up in the middle of the night and felt an overwhelming urge to join my parents on their bed. Which was WAAAAAAAAAAY across the room. About 6 feet away.


I scrambled up and held on to the 'bars' of the cot with every intention of clambering over the rail, lowering myself to the ground and crawling/walking over to the warmth and safety of my mother's embrace.


But the ground looked so far away.


I distinctly remember gauging the distance, gathering my courage and then... losing it immediately. I tried psyching myself that it wasn't that far away and cast many hopeful glances at the bed willing my progenitor to wake up and gather me into their loving hands. They didn't even stir.

I gave up without attempting that jump.


I have no idea why this memory has stayed with me but it sure has figured in a LOT of the subsequent jumps I have made ever since. "Ladi are you going to wuss out and not make it out of this cot you find yourself?"


And I have made countless happy memories by reminding myself of that first recorded memory


Decisions have been made easier and I have fallen into a nice cycle where happy memories encourage me to take a chance, (or think things through) because I have sufficient perspective to realize that although this might seem like a harrowing (or exhilarating) experience at the time, it was going to end up as a happy memory I could use to motivate myself in the future.

Some of the strongest memories I have (thus far) are the ones I made in AIESEC. Particularly on stage facing hundreds of my peers and knowing... beyond a doubt... that each and every single person in the room was focused on me. And my words. For that 30min session, being able to wallow in all that attention was just nirvana for a narcissist like me.

My active AIESEC days are over, so therein lies the question? How do I recapture that feeling of all-encompassing attention on myself? DO I become a motivational speaker? Nope! I can hardly motivate myself to go to the gym... that wont wash.

Perhaps if I followed Rowling's example? How much more attention does one want knowing someone has paid to read what you wrote?

So enjoy this while you can... it's gonna cost you very soon! Heh.