Communication is very important. Human existence is based in and around communication with other people, with your environment with yourself and so on and so forth. I wasn’t always a good communicator (is that a real word?) I have and always been a good speaker and I would actually count that as one of my top five strengths. But I used to suck at actually communicating with people. I was such a narcisstic, attention-seeking, over-pampered brat that I never stopped to consider the fact that loving the sound of my voice wasn’t enough. I actually had to listen to other people as well!
Since my AIESEC days, I am now a narcissistic, attention-seeking over pampered adult that listens a bit more to what other people are saying. And I discovered that the more you listen to other people, the more they are willing to listen to you in return! Works for everyone all round.
Since my AIESEC days, I am now a narcissistic, attention-seeking over pampered adult that listens a bit more to what other people are saying. And I discovered that the more you listen to other people, the more they are willing to listen to you in return! Works for everyone all round.
Towards the tail-end of my employment with AIESEC in Sweden, while we were preparing the team taking over from us, Maria one of my team mates came up with an exercise that served to demonstrate how group dynamics were influenced by how comfortable members of the group felt with each other.
I got to record how many times each member of the group directed a question/comment/statement to the other members of the group. Some individuals directed general comments to well… the general group. Others directed every single statement and/or question to only one other person. Even though it was supposed to be a group discussion. There was a particular individual who had the tendency to interrupt others and wouldn’t let them finish what they were going to say. By the end of the session, no one was directing their views to him and actually pointedly ignoring him.
Even since before that exercise, I have been a bit sensitive to how those dynamics work out in any group discussion or meeting I am having. I make sure I am including everyone in general statements or questions and when I am asking a specific question of someone, I turn and give that person my seeming full attention while still indicating that I expect his/her answer to be directed at the whole group. Of course this has made me an excellent facilitator of discussions (if I do say so myself) and I would go so far as to say that the added force of my personality would have made it inevitable that I would command attention anyway. (its feel-good day!)
So anyway, I find that a lot of presenters in the tons of presentations I am obliged to attend at work seem to focus on me while giving their presentations, especially those who are new at it. I have been known to crack a joke or ask an easy or obvious question to put them at their ease. So yes you might argue that I am a very good listener.
This however backfired on my in very spectacular style recently. It was a Friday and only God Almighty knows why I volunteered to go on behalf of my team and get some updates on some new software HR was rolling out. The presentation started at 3pm when thoughts are already in the pub and it was only a matter of time before the body joined.
The presenter was obviously very new at speaking before a crowd so I asked an easy question, gave a couple of audible affirmative answers when she asked if we were following and generally put her at her ease. Now, she wasn’t doing that bad a job of it in reality but it was just the time of day, the day itself and I was very tired but I unfortunately went on auto-pilot, zoned out and followed my imagination to somewhere completely different from where my physical body was.
This was why I jerked back to the meeting room with a dramatic start at the sound of my name and to very loud laughter from everybody in the room. At first I feigned laughter assuming the presenter had said something funny but when I looked at her amused smile I started to suspect that perhaps the joke was on me…
“So do you agree Ladi” she asked me. I slowly and desperately tried to recall the last few sentences (and slides) hoping I could decipher what her question to me was. “Uhm… ehrm… it depends” I said, still flailing about wildly in my mind for what the original question was. “oh really! What does it depend on?” she asked very sweetly seemingly determined not to let me off the hook!
“Well… you see… the thing is… would you repeat the question?”. I said, finally giving up. Some of my colleagues were rolling on the floor by this time and an otherwise dull session had turned into one very merry laugh-fest. At my expense!
Apparently, the presenter asked me the question twice already and I had just given her my auto-pilot smile and nodded stupidly at her until she called my name and broke my reverie. Mortified does not begin to describe my feelings. And all this because I proved I was a good listener and tried to put the faci at ease!
Ah well… next time I will only go on semi-auto pilot!
I got to record how many times each member of the group directed a question/comment/statement to the other members of the group. Some individuals directed general comments to well… the general group. Others directed every single statement and/or question to only one other person. Even though it was supposed to be a group discussion. There was a particular individual who had the tendency to interrupt others and wouldn’t let them finish what they were going to say. By the end of the session, no one was directing their views to him and actually pointedly ignoring him.
Even since before that exercise, I have been a bit sensitive to how those dynamics work out in any group discussion or meeting I am having. I make sure I am including everyone in general statements or questions and when I am asking a specific question of someone, I turn and give that person my seeming full attention while still indicating that I expect his/her answer to be directed at the whole group. Of course this has made me an excellent facilitator of discussions (if I do say so myself) and I would go so far as to say that the added force of my personality would have made it inevitable that I would command attention anyway. (its feel-good day!)
So anyway, I find that a lot of presenters in the tons of presentations I am obliged to attend at work seem to focus on me while giving their presentations, especially those who are new at it. I have been known to crack a joke or ask an easy or obvious question to put them at their ease. So yes you might argue that I am a very good listener.
This however backfired on my in very spectacular style recently. It was a Friday and only God Almighty knows why I volunteered to go on behalf of my team and get some updates on some new software HR was rolling out. The presentation started at 3pm when thoughts are already in the pub and it was only a matter of time before the body joined.
The presenter was obviously very new at speaking before a crowd so I asked an easy question, gave a couple of audible affirmative answers when she asked if we were following and generally put her at her ease. Now, she wasn’t doing that bad a job of it in reality but it was just the time of day, the day itself and I was very tired but I unfortunately went on auto-pilot, zoned out and followed my imagination to somewhere completely different from where my physical body was.
This was why I jerked back to the meeting room with a dramatic start at the sound of my name and to very loud laughter from everybody in the room. At first I feigned laughter assuming the presenter had said something funny but when I looked at her amused smile I started to suspect that perhaps the joke was on me…
“So do you agree Ladi” she asked me. I slowly and desperately tried to recall the last few sentences (and slides) hoping I could decipher what her question to me was. “Uhm… ehrm… it depends” I said, still flailing about wildly in my mind for what the original question was. “oh really! What does it depend on?” she asked very sweetly seemingly determined not to let me off the hook!
“Well… you see… the thing is… would you repeat the question?”. I said, finally giving up. Some of my colleagues were rolling on the floor by this time and an otherwise dull session had turned into one very merry laugh-fest. At my expense!
Apparently, the presenter asked me the question twice already and I had just given her my auto-pilot smile and nodded stupidly at her until she called my name and broke my reverie. Mortified does not begin to describe my feelings. And all this because I proved I was a good listener and tried to put the faci at ease!
Ah well… next time I will only go on semi-auto pilot!
2 comments:
HEY YOU! Its been soooo long!
How are you doing? so whats up? Hows NZ? I love blog your its really insightful. By the way, I am totally an Obama fan and he will next president...welll..looks like your team lost! :) Dont worry you're still great. I am done with AIESEC (thank god) and I am in the US now just taking time off and studying for my graduate school examination in OCtober.
I hope you are doing well and yeah just sending you some virtual loving from the US of A!
Hugs
Juanita (jojo)
oh check out my blog if you want at
jojoglobal.nomadlife.org
chow!
If you want to email me its juanita.kwarteng@gmail.com
Hahaha! Funny one.
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