When Was the Last time You cried?

I haven’t cried in 7 years.

The Manager of my Business Unit left the company today and a female colleague was asking if I shed a tear for him. A number of people were after one of his closest friends wrote a poem and couldn’t get through reading it as she collapsed in a sea of tears.

First off… the question caught me unawares. Why would I cry that my boss’s boss’s boss (boss X3) was leaving the company??? The ones who cried were mostly female and had built up my BU from scratch with this guy into a world class centre of 130 people. They had a lot of memories, and experiences and had worked with him in good times and bad over the last 4 years. Me I only saw him when he went by my desk and made an off-the-cuff comment. (He was a bit of a wise-ass)

We went into the question of when was the last time I had a good cry. With heaving shoulders, audible bawls, free-flowing tears and puffy swollen eyes.

Not since 2001.

I had just quit school, was feeling like a failure and like I had let my parents down and I commenced to have a big fight with my brother which was witnessed by my parents. It wasn’t a physical fight but a loud shouting match which only didn’t become physical due to my brother’s restraint. My mom was understandably very upset and when I went to apologize to her later for making her listen to the nasty things I said, the sight of her frustration and her concern that my brother and I were mortal enemies for life just pushed me over the top. Weeks and weeks of self recrimination and guilt and a sense of letting everyone down came to the boil and I had a really really good cry!

It was soul-cleansing.

But since then… I haven’t had cause or reason for such. I asked my manager when the last time SHE cried was and she said just this morning. She was watching an advert about some crippled donkey and she just teared up right there and then. My colleague who asked the original question is from the UK and apparently she has a good cry when she misses her family too much. What’s that about? When I am missing my friends and family, I immediately seek out my new friends here and throw around a few jokes wherein I immediately feel better. Or I just play World Of Warcraft.

I am more apt to go around snarling and growling at people when I am depressed and feel like shit! This doesn’t happen very often anyway. Being a consummate performer at all times, all I need is an audience (of one if necessary) and I am back to my usual good spirits. Now that I think of it seven years is a very long time, more than overdue to have another soul-cleansing cry.

Movies seem to be a good primer for turning on the tear ducts.

I will admit to tearing up at certain movies but the worst is I will have unshed tears glistening in my eyes. Tears that don’t even drop. This doesn’t qualify as a cry I don’t think. But it does prove that I am not a Neanderthal and do have the capacity to be sensitive yes? One movie I ALWAYS tear up at is Con Air starring Nicholas Cage. The end of the movie when he is reunited with his wife and daughter whom he has never seen before and suddenly transforms from the gung-ho Army Ranger who saves the day into this stammering, bumbling father who is just trying to make a good impression with a daughter he has never seen before. Breaks my heart EVERY single time.

Actually now that I think about it, any scene that involves a parent with their offspring in an emotional situation is almost guaranteed to make me acquire glistening eyes heavy with unshed tears. In the new Iron Man movie when he saves the father from being taken away in the Afghan village or the old Jon Voight boxing movie “Champ” where he dies at the end and the little boy is heart-broken and keeps crying out his name, “Champ… Champ… wake up Champ”.

I should see that movie again.

First time in 16 years...

I was convinced Hilary Clinton was going to become President of the United States.

I was convinced of this even when Obama was racking up victories right left and centre and gaining a lead in delegates. My conviction did not waver when every endorsement that was announced seemed to be going the way of Barack Obama. I was still sure even when it was announced that Hilary’s campaign was in financial problems and she had to lend it 5m dollars. I was sure I was seeing the pre-cursor to a ‘game-changer’ during the last 3 weeks of Obama’s pastor and his comments on bitter voters.

I devoured reports, articles and analysis online that sought to project how Hilary Clinton could still win the Democratic nomination and I came to the conclusion that her best chance was to win the primaries in Indiana and North Carolina. A decent win in Indiana and even a squeaky one in NC would have sufficed. She didn’t do this. She lost in NC by a good margin and squeaked a 2point win in Indiana.

Lights Out. The End. Finito. Endgame.

It was always going to be hard to overturn a black candidate who had the lead in pledged delegates and popular vote. And if the voters haven’t deemed him unelectable after the last month he’s had, none of the supers would dare do it now.

I am not an American. I have not and will never vote in an American election. But hearing me and some of my Nigerian friends in New Zealand argue about the current campaign you would think we were crafting Hilary’s and Barack’s speeches and setting the tone for their individual campaigns. (I am the only Hilary supporter by the way in a group of maybe 7). Having no direct stake in this election I still cannot quite shake this feeling of disappointment I feel. It’s never easy when someone you support falls short. I was supporting Hilary from an intellectual point of view, believing she would make the better President out of the three remaining candidates.

Now IF I AM feeling disappointed, how must the ardent American supporter feel, her campaign team? How must Hilary herself feel? And yet this is a staple of a democratic contest. Someone MUST lose. And after investing so much of your time, energy, money and commitment that feeling that the majority of people don’t support you must be crushing.

And yet America has been doing this for the better part of almost 300 years.

There have always been losers and winners’, perfecting the process so losing isn’t so debilitating and instead you learn from your mistakes and focus on the next election. Al Gore took his loss in 2000 a bit badly at first but then rebounded up out of it to become THE senior figure in his party (bar Bill 42) and win an Oscar for his new found love of the environment. He could have taken his appeal even further than he did but by then it wasn’t about him anymore but about something bigger. He gave up on his attempt so the country could move on.

There needs to be selflessness when you contemplate conceding electoral defeat. This might seem obvious to people who have lived in countries with multi-party democracies but I come from a country where flawed elections are the norm and even when they are fair the loser just cannot imagine conceding and would rather scuttle the whole process so the other person doesn’t get it. (Hilary has been accused of wanting to do this so Obama can lose in November and she can run again in 2012)

So in mature democracies, your strategies focus on how to get the majority of people to support your bid rather than victory or nothing else. A victory or nothing else strategy focuses on getting into power no matter what. Actually taking the time to craft policies to get people on your side is not part of it. Projecting a wonderful personality that connects with majority of the people is out the window. Working hard to ensure those that support you actually cast a vote is not really necessary. It’s all about manipulating the process so the end result shows that you won. When you did nothing of the sort.

I wonder how, where and when Clinton will concede defeat now. Whatever happens, it’s going to be a huge event.

Bush People of Aotearoa

There is a term in my native language called “Ara-oko”.

A literal translation would be ‘person of the bush’. It is used to refer to an individual who is ignorant of the nuances of polite society or alternatively is uneducated or illiterate.

When it comes to Africa and Africans a lot of kiwis I am sorry to say are 'ara-oko'. And you can’t really blame them. This vibrant, adventure-filled island of hardy, generous and fun-loving people is so far removed from the rest of the world geographically. Today’s news is seen as happening in another world and it might as well be, with a 12 hour difference between Auckland and London. We are plodding away at our desks and jobs when the rest of the world is either deep in slumber or winding down their days.

And then the main immigrant presence here is Asian. China and India account for a significant proportion of that demographic. Singapore, Japan, Korea, Taiwan all have large communities here as well. So when a debate is raging in the body politic about the benefits (or otherwise) of immigrants, although substantially the same as what Spain and Portugal deal with from West African citizens, the face of the immigrant in question is Asian.

Perceptions about Africa are framed by images on television. Images which are almost always negative. Images of starving children, internecine wars, AIDS and HIV. There are a series of Save the Children adverts on TV that I absolutely abhor. They show the worst parts of Africa and ask people to donate a certain 'tiny' amount to 'mightily' improve the lives of the sick, poor and starving children in Africa. I do not doubt that these organizations are making some sort of effort to offer genuine help to the individuals most affected by the myriad problems affecting Africa but it irks me that this is ALL that New Zealanders see about Africa.

Physical interaction with Africans is primarily with white farmers fleeing Robert Mugabe’s Zimbabwe; white South Africans moving here through Rugby and business ties; and then refugees from Eastern Africa (Sudan, Somalia etc). These are the majority of the tiny proportion of Africans in New Zealand.

Kiwis then assume that any African they see falls into one of these categories. If you happen to be dark-skinned then you obviously fall into only one. Case in point. Seun my Nigerian friend who came here to study originally and is now a resident, and I entered the elevator with a kiwi guy the other day. We exchanged the usual elevator pleasantries and the very next question this 'ara-oko' asked was, “So are you guys refugees?”

You could feel the temperature drop below zero in that tiny elevator.

“What makes you say that?” I asked in my iciest tone. The poor guy turned red, mumbled something incomprehensible and looked like he saw his personal Lord and Saviour when the doors opened at his floor. Thinking it over later I regretted making him feel so uncomfortable but couldn’t get over my disappointment that his question exemplified what the average kiwi thinks.

If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me if I was American I would be a millionnaire. If you speak barely accented English, seem to get along with people quite easily and show more than a passing aptitude for world and current events, you MUST be American. Or grew up in Britain. Or schooled there.

I remember reading that in the 1960’s some dude in government (or was it a celebrity? I forget now) somewhere in the Western world really believed that Africans still lived in trees. In the 1960’s! So while I don’t think anyone believes that anywhere these days, a lot of people definitely still believe that all Africans live a constant guerrilla existence. Scrounging for food and always dodging bullets on the way to school. Or to the diamond fields…

While I acknowledge that for millions of people in Africa, this IS a daily reality, it is by no means the totality of the situation. Being in AIESEC and during my sojourn in Europe I got used to meeting people who had an acute understanding of the reality of Africa. Sometimes seemingly more than Africans themselves. They knew exactly what terrible things were going on; the wars being fought, the disparity in income levels and failure of leadership across the continent.

But they also knew of the efforts of the middle class. (A middle class constantly under siege but a middle class all the same made up of professionals who have stayed in their home countries and are daily trying to affect its destiny in their own little ways.) They know of the universities in Africa, under-funded and over-crowded but still valiantly turning out products to fill the manpower needs of the nation. These enlightened individuals recognized that given the right conditions and encouragement, Africans were competing and surpassing their counterparts from all over the world.

I can see the pleasant surprise in kiwi’s faces when I tell them that both my parents (teacher and journalist) had their own little library of books and that I spent many hours curled up reading Enid Blyton, CS Lweis and Charles Dickens. “You didn’t have to work after school to feed your family?” I can almost hear their sub-conscious saying.

My sweetheart Tope in looking for a job has come up against this reality as well. After contacting heaps and heaps of job agencies without any luck, we were very kindly advised by a friend to contact companies directly and try to speak to people over the phone. Apparently when they see her name and where she was from, they assumed (correctly) that she was “fresh off the boat” and assumed (incorrectly) that she couldn’t speak a word of English.

I shared the story of the Chinese girl in my office who was smitten with my Michael Jackson outfit and was convinced I was American. She seemed almost disappointed when I told her I wasn’t.

Anyway, it takes one person to change the world. Me I have set out to change a nation. I will attempt to try to share the most positive aspects of Africa in general and Nigeria in particular. There are only 4 million people here. Piece of cake.

Gallant in Defeat

Liverpool are a great Club.

Dont get me wrong. I still loathe them and I will make fun of their 'goatied' manager whatever chance I get. I sincerely believe that they have an inferior team currently to my beloved Chelsea Club.

But this does not take away the fact of their pedigree.

The most successful English club winning almost 20 titles and have won Europe's premier competition in one form or the other 5 times. The most memorable in recent history being the amazing comeback against AC Milan in 2005.

Which is why beating them FINALLY at the third time of asking enroute to the final of the most glamorous club competition in the world couldnt be more sweeter.

Final score was 3-2 and when the score was 3-1, the commentator exclaimed that Chelsea had brought Liverpool to their knees! but Ryan Babel cracked a 35 yard shot that slipped past our otherwise excellent goalkeeper. This was not an easy victory. We had to be resilient, powerful and mentally alrt against masters of European football.

And we prevailed.

This makes it three in a row. Chelsea have beaten Arsenal, Manchester United and now Liverpool. We are level on points with ManU and have another date with them in Moscow in May in the Champions League final.

And so on to our FIRST ever Champions League final. Getting there is an achievement in itself and I fully expect John terry to be lifting the trophy come May 23 in Moscow!

And I have mentioned here before what a Chelsea victory does to my day. Its 9.30am on Thursday morning in Auckland here. I have Champions League mornings you see and even though the rain is pouring down in typical Auckland fashion... its such a beautiful day!!! I am revved to go to work and attack my workload with gusto!

To Russia with Love!